To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/12/19 23:00
Subject: [K-list] Drowning in God and stuff
From: Diamondsutra
On 2004/12/19 23:00, Diamondsutra posted thus to the K-list:
Hello Listees:
Just got back to the list today and had a good read. How juicy all the
stuff on God and stuff and all the rest of it. Its so beautiful that the
list is here; the support and clarity and the love makes living in the world
but not of it easier.
Lately I have been drowning in "god and Stuff". Most of the energy is
going into the world behind my eyes and only about 8 hours each day for the
world of the "living". A surprising thing is I am alone so much of
the "time?" that on the occasions that I visit with friends who love me I
find I have no filter, no screen between responses. That is to say my
response to situations or things said are very spontaneous and come from some
place in me (lord I don't know--I'm surprised to hear it myself) and speaks
itself as my truth of the moment, totally present and in response to what is
happening but----without screening, or filtering, or thinking about what I am
saying, just...out with it...
and lately....I have offended a few friends with this unfiltered, unthought
about truth of the moment (sorta like soup du jour...?)
Of course, when I find out I have hurt someone with my outspoken honesty,
I own it and am truly sorry and apologize...and that is spontaneous as well
and truthfull, not kissing up. I'm a bit surprised when it happens (its
happened maybe 3 times in the last month.....that I know about...that people
have told me about) and I'm starting to wonder.
should I allow myself out at all?
There does not seem to be a "control lever." When I look back at the
incidents it is that I spoke my truth, about which I am not sorry...and it is
that I trusted the friends enough to allow that level of honesty to
just...come forth.....and it is that the honesty lacked politeness... and was
just straightforward but didn't at the moment seem rude in any way,that I
said things that people "think" but do not say.
When in town or in public situations though, I'm still managing to connect
in very honest and intimate ways with many many people without (apparently)
hurting feelings and these connections have a blessed aura of...... joy and
sweetness and....God and stuff.
what to do?
in love, Deesutra
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