To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/12/19 03:26
Subject: Re: [K-list] Fear of not living
From: Hbarrett47
On 2004/12/19 03:26, Hbarrett47 posted thus to the K-list:
You always bring up the BEST stuff, Rick! For me, the fear of not living
usually ends up being an issue not about doing, but about being. When the
thought crosses my mind that I'm wasting time, or I need to do more, or I don't know
what I want, etc., I nearly always find that the problem is actually that my
heart has contracted and I'm in a low-grade state of anger or fear or sadness
so my aliveness and ability to be present is compromised. Usually something
has come up to be healed and I haven't yet seen and worked my way through it.
This is, more or less obviously, a state of ego-judgment against the self. My
way is to try to be open to these times as periods of healing and ultimate
expansion and to try to surrender to Greater Wisdom the whole process.
Invariably these times pass (more quickly if I don't resist them). When my heart is
again open I can see that whatever I DO is enough and fine and wonderful -- I'm
excited about my life even though it is utterly ordinary and pedestrian
because it is all unfolding exactly as it should and I have no particular agenda
except to be open to joy as much as possible. I think I can say that when I'm
not really living, I don't really love life and I don't really love myself.
When I love life and myself (as a part of life), this is all that is needed and
what I do with my time will follow naturally from this love. Not
coincidentally, when I love life the most is when I fear death the least.
Love, Holly
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