To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/11/02 19:41
Subject: [K-list] Experience - ????
From: Kate
On 2004/11/02 19:41, Kate posted thus to the K-list:
I had this experience Sat night:
I was about to go visit my parents in a hotel room here in Orlando. A
tension began in the car between myself and my SO after I played a song I
had recorded for him (highly emotional song), and he asked to go home. I
walked inside with him, tried to discuss the problem, failed, and lay down
on the bed in the dark. He came in to talk to me about it. Mid conversation,
I got a crushing pain in the front and right side of my head. It got worse
and worse. After a few minutes of this pain, he put his hand on my stomach.
I felt a very “shocking’ jolt in my body when that occurred. I asked him to
take his hand off and do it again. He did, and the same thing happened. I
put my hand on his, and I could feel his energy far more than I could feel
his physical self. I started to feel like I was shaking. I asked my SO if it
was him, he said no. I started to feel rushes of energy, waves of pure
energy. It felt like when you first start feeling the drug ecstasy enter
your system, you get a very cold feeling in the base of your spine and
everything starts to feel alive and hypersensitive. I continued to feel it,
I began to cry it was so intense. He turned on the light. I lay there in the
room and realized that I could feel everything, that I could see the energy
that comprises everything, and I could manipulate it at will. I began
changing the color of the ceiling, and watching the patterns in it move
around. I moved the ceiling closer to me and further away. I became confused
about my place in that time, in that place, and I asked my SO if I was
supposed to be there, if I was really there. He said yes, that I was there
with him, and that it was our home. I realized that there was no past or
future, just that moment. Every moment. I began trying to explain the things
I was feeling and seeing to him. I realized that I could not feel anything
in an emotional sense – I did not feel fear or pain or happiness or
anything. I said that it was “really strange’ what was happening, but the
words were hollow – I was not really freaked out by it at all. I felt as if
I could have stayed awake forever, done anything. My guy asked me if I could
levitate (he was seriously curious), and I said no although I truly believed
that it may have been possible. He asked me if I could go back in time and
change a conversation we had and then come back and tell him what I changed.
I was not sure how to accomplish this. I finally went to sleep.
It has been 2.5 days since this happened. I continue to feel very "blank". I
am not depressed at all, I am just unaffected by anything. Nothing holds any
value. Time means nothing. I can't decide what to do during the day because
I feel like none of it really matters. I feel like I could sit down and
write a whole album of songs, just off of what I "know", but it would be
emotionally void. I have lost my sense of emotional association with
everything. I feel tired, but I am not sure if it is truly tiredness or just
ennui.
After being a very highy sensitive, empathetic, intense, aware person my
whole life, this is disorienting and feels wrong. Of course as I say that,
it means nothing to me. I just know it to be the case.
I have only become this disaffected after serious issues in my life, but
this does not carry with it the pain or anger associated with the choice to
be disaffected.
Thanks for any guidance or suggestions.
Kate
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.