To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/08/30 17:13
Subject: Re: [K-list] greetings
From: Shadow121
On 2004/08/30 17:13, Shadow121 posted thus to the K-list:
i see yoru point about the emotion and intellect taking over. its been a
while now that i've been trying to talk to people with those forces controlling
me. its sorta screwed up. heh.
my heart left me when i went deeply into the K awakening. sometimes i think i
only do this because of stuff that hurt me in the past. those trauma's
definatly have effected me in ways that i dont really understand , but i know they
are not the true me.
i remember when i first 'felt the love'. it was a day afterthat where 'the
love' , left me. i think it was finding something new in my 'heart'. being able
to answer the unanswerable question. that trek , the voyage that would take me
so far away from my trauma that i would not have to worry about it.
i've been digging into my dark energies and trying to find what i believe. i
keep coming to the idea that all of this spiritual awakening is a response to
the state of the world. as you said , the life you live is a refection of who
you are inside. therefore , the earthlife is a reflection of how everyone is.
so how do i stop that cycle?
so basically, in response to your email, i am seeing that there is this huge
ol' trauma that hurt me so much, that i chose insanity over facing it. hmm.
that's seriouse and screwed up.
does that sound right? i've been trying to clear bad energies , but there's
definatly something there that is like a pit in my stomach. just as i have been
hurt , in my ways , i will hurt others. that's sorta the mentality of being
programmed by the dark energy. the identity of what a dark energy is can also
be a dark energy.
how am i to relax, be cool, attractive, funny, smart, productive, happy, and
posotive while my flow is so disturbed that i can hardly hold a conversation
without thinking about how offensive i must be in my appearance and how no one
would want to be friends with me?
yea... i guess that's my questoin..
great email, namaste
Patrick
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