To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/08/23 07:35
Subject: [K-list] Fwd: A Fish Story.(long)
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2004/08/23 07:35, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
>Resent-Date: Tue, 24 Jun 1997 17:37:35 -0500
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>Date: Tue, 24 Jun 1997 15:32:12
>To: kundalini-lATexecpc.com
>From: Mystress Angelique Serpent <mistressATdomin8rex.com>
>Subject: A Fish Story.(long)
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>
> Hello:
> It has been on my mind lately, here and there and for this reason and for
>that reason, to storytell a story of a woman and a fish.
> Once there was a woman, (and that woman was me) who went to a personal
>development course to further chart her path in life and take a look at
>some things that were not working and why. One of the things that was not
>working was her prosperity and happiness level. Her self esteem sucked, and
>because of that low sense of self love she tended to attract bad events,
>which made her feel even worse, which attracted more bad events..... each
>time it got harder to pick up the bits of faith and start again.
> Feeling stuck, she attended the course thru a mercy loan from a friend.
>
> At this course, she learned to call a 'round and round like a rat in a
>cage' pattern like that a "negative effect cycle". So she spotted the cycle
>and knew from long ago that she 'attracts that which occurs', but
>recognizing that she had the cycle only made her feel worse. She inwardly
>browbeat herself for having the negative cycle and low self esteem in the
>first place. It was something she considered herself "too spiritually
>evolved" to have in her head.
> Fortunately she realized what she was doing... the in-effectiveness of
>continuing that thread of thought. It was simply more of the same cycle.
>Shit! Feeling a bit trapped by her own mental behavior, she put up her hand
>and when the microphone was brought to her, she stood and related to the
>150 or so gathered in the room, the stuck place she was in. Then she sat
>down and gave the mic. back.
> The facilitator smiled, and related back to her an approximation of what
>she had said, to be sure he and everyone had understood her clearly. He was
>a sweet, wise, witty and wonderful fella by the name of Jim Sorenson.
>
> Then he told a story about a fish.
> A beautiful sleek, fat Northern Pike, predator fish of the cold northern
>Canadian lakes. It looks like an alligator with fins, one quarter of it's
>body is head, jaws and sharp teeth.. the rest fins and a body built for
>speed, dark dappled green to hide it from unwary prey. No brain at all,
>hardly. An almost purely instinctive creature.
> This fish had not gotten away... it had been caught live, and was being
>used in an experiment by a place of science that was studying the behavior
>of fish.
> They put it in a wide roomy tank, and dumped in lots of live minnows.
>They watched as this fish -Zoomm- scooped up the minnows and ate them like
>nothing. Swam straight at them and scooped them up un it's huge jaws,
>swallowing them live while zooming after the next one. Nature's creature in
>it's element, doing what it was meant to do.
> The scientists took notes and made films of the speed of it, and it's
>lunges at the minnows, and how it seemed to keep on eating as many minnows
>as they put in the tank.
> The more minnows it ate, the more energy it had to catch and eat minnows.
>The Pike thrived. The experiment continued.
> The scientists let the Pike eat all of the minnows in the tank. Then they
>placed in the tank a tall cylinder of bulletproof plexiglass, taller than
>the depth of the tank, and put the minnows inside of the cylinder.
> The Pike saw the minnows and zoom- the famous lunge towards the bait that
>has made it such a popular sporting fish.... WHAM!! as the Pike bounced off
>the bulletproof glass...
> The Pike seemed to give it's head a shake, and went after the minnows
>again, a speedy lunge, and another reverberating recoil as the great fish
>bounced off the transparent barrier between it and it's proper food. Again
>and again it lunged, a kamikaze fish in it's lack of understanding the
>simple barrier that blocked it. It's nose grew ragged, still it bravely
>went after the minnows, half stunned by it's own efforts, bashed senseless
>against the plexiglass, it still continued going after it's prey.
> After days of struggle the tired hurt fish circled the invisible barrier,
>only occasionally becoming desperate enough to try to get the minnows
>again. Finally, it ignored the minnows altogether, swimming aimlessly
>around the tank.
> This was the point of the experiment the scientists were most interested
>in. They removed the cylinder, and dumped in tons of minnows. They made
>videos and took notes as the Pike continued to ignore the minnows. It's
>instincts had been broken. It starved to death in that tank, surrounded by
>schools of it's favorite food swimming freely within reach of the big sharp
>jaws that nature had given it to survive.
> *******************************************************
> Hearing this story made me angry.
> ANGRY!!
> Red and white hot rage filled my body, outrage that someone would dare to
>take this beautiful sleek creature of Goddess, and treat it so badly!
>
>What a horrible thing to do to a fish!!
>
> I have caught Northern Pike and eaten them, as a child, that is why I
>know them so well, and I was OUTRAGED that someone would take such a
>gorgeous wild living creature and so turn it against it's instincts that it
>starved to death in the midst of plenty...
>
> That last thought for some reason gave me pause.. it rang oddly in my mind.
>
> .. and there was the still, small voice that observes, and it said to me
>ironically, "why are you so upset about it?"
>
> And my jaw dropped open in a light dawning on a whole big realization
>that I WAS the fish. Holy Shit!! My rage evaporated in an awe of
>compassion for my own wild instinctual self, so bent out of shape by life
>events I wouldn't dare eat a minnow if it bit me on the nose.
> The laughter and tears came that are the mark of real truth, and
>understanding of truth...
> I was the creature that had been so turned against it's instincts that it
>starved in the midst of plenty... I had bashed myself bloody against glass
>cylinders long ago, trying to fulfill my needs... and the barriers were
>long gone, except in my mind.
> The negative effect cycle, of self criticism and failure, my instincts
>turned inside out by my formative life experiences. These were the shadow
>memories of the hard plexiglass walls of my past.
> I felt a huge wave of love and forgiveness for all of my failures, missed
>opportunities and self sabotage strategies. Understanding.
> Remembered frustration turned to wisdom as I realized love for my inner
>fish... and that I am not a fish.. I could regain my instincts. Learn to
>recognize the barriers of my remembered pain, and patiently learn to
>dissolve them, one by one. I knew it would be like learning to walk over
>again, I might fall 1000 times before I got anywhere.
> I knew I would need something to hang onto to remind me to forgive
>myself, to be gentle everytime I fell into the downward spiral of self
>criticism and worry that had been my programming.
> I chose a memory of my anger at the unjust treatment of the fish, a
>mantra against self criticism: "What a terrible thing to do to a fish!".
> My inner fish asking for mercy, to be rehabilitated and treated with
>kindness.
> That was years ago, and I did fall down a lot more than 1000 times,
>sometimes I still do fall into the self judgement, criticism and worry
>trap. The mantra, repeated so many times over years gradually softened into
>a reminder: "Be kind to the fish".
>
> There is a beautiful, strong sleek Northern Pike in my mind, and it swims
>free in a clear mountain lake, and Goddess provides all of the minnows it's
>wide jaws can lunge and snatch. And it does eat up the minnows with speed
>and grace, as Goddess intended for it to do. And if sometimes, across it's
>dim fishy memories there is a flash of fear in the minnow's sparkle, as if
>hard invisible barrier lay between it and it's dinner, the next flash of
>sunlight will show the minnow clearer, and the old memory of pain will not
>hinder the fish from it's meal.
>
> This story is dedicated to a Northern Pike that died for science, and so
>that one insecure witch could finally learn to see the phantom plexiglass
>fear barriers conditioned into her own life, keeping her from accessing
>Goddess' abundance.
> I honor it's power, it was a wise teacher, that fish, and I hope that
>it's memory will help those others who have had their instincts distorted
>by circumstance, to learn to be kind to their own inner fish, and reawaken
>it's instincts patiently and with love.
> Blessings, Angelique.
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