To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/08/05 21:22
Subject: [K-list] deserving desires
From: Shadow121
On 2004/08/05 21:22, Shadow121 posted thus to the K-list:
HI,
i've been away from the computer lately in order to get my life in order ,
but i noticed over the past few days there was alot of buzz about the
ego\confidence\anxiety.
i have still not gotten over myself , but i am working on it. i am trying to
figure out how to say something without 'me' being the focus of what i am
saying. instead of "i want to go to teh 7-11" , i'd try to say "going to the 7-11
is a good idea" or something.
i am seeing how the ego is making false thoughts and blaming people. it is
blinding me from what i truely want to be and as a result of this blindness , it
is as though i cannot see who i am. i find that i have 'energy sucking
energy' also , and it is not always the people i am around.
so this whole ego thing and 'who i really am' made me think. karma karma
karma. karma in the sense of everything in my life circuit is a result of choices
i have made or have accepted. sorta like , the pants i have are my karma
becuase i made a choice to have them. (it just started to rain outside , how nice)
so with the stuff in my life that i have accumulated it says something about
who i am. if i have a yankees or a redsox cap shows the choices i have made
and what i found is that those choices determine who is in your life.
so now , as i look at myself in the mirror and see my car parked on the
street i realize myself and what my karma is. i see the points of me that have
piles of notes about energy and baggage about exgirlfriends , ego , and problems
with personal power. i see all of these things at times and question how to
change it. i guess much of those changes can be made in the same way that the
change from ego to self can happen. slowly and one step at a time.
so this brings me to my point and i am sorry for writing so much (raining
much harder now). as i , with these karmic possessions (in and outside of
myself), have desires about a girlfriend, a job , or a goal -- how deserving am i?
what within my karma makes it so that i deserve the things that i desire.
there are certainly some orbs in my life that should not be there and some that
are missing. ...
ya know? i was about to write alot more , but i think that it is all
hogwash , nearly.
i think that with all of this karma , ego , desires the thing that
matters in life is if
you are happy. with whatever you have , find a level of happiness and
'have' it. at
that point it seems logical that you can find what you want , ego free ,
good karma,
and confidence will come naturally. perhaps i wrote this for naught and
then again
maybe someone saw something worth reading.
i hope to hear from you all and what you have to say,
much love from jersy,
Patrick
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