To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/08/03 13:17
Subject: [K-list] My take on Aloneness
From: Gustaf Grefberg
On 2004/08/03 13:17, Gustaf Grefberg posted thus to the K-list:
Hello!
I would like to share my own experiences and understandings of Aloneness..
Just like everybody else, I've felt extremely alone at times, at some points
more extensively than at others.
<Aloneness is the feeling of separation.>
The deeper we go into ourselves, the more acute the feeling of separation
becomes... This is at least the way it has been in my life.. A lot of
people aren't even aware of that feeling of separation, and simply lives a
life based on patterns of mind and ego, identifying so deeply with it that
the idea of "separation" is barely even there.. But when you start going
within, either by some sort of practice, or spontaneously (as with K) or
both, many of these feelings can become so much more acute, because they are
brought up to the surface.. Ranbir's mail about the Goddess and the
Balloons beautifully describes this process. When I was a child, I was
acutely aware of the "veil" and that there was a deep connection, but I
couldn't grasp it, there was no one to talk about it with either.. It made
me feel very alone at times and I created my own rules in life, often
rebelling against other rules.. Very confusing.. In the past few years, the
feeling of Aloneness has sometimes been very intense, at other times
completely gone! It tends to come in cycles, sometimes I feel connected to
every little thing and person in the world, at other times I feel dirty,
dark and very lonely... I've come to understand this is just a process..
<Aloneness is the feeling of being surrounded by things alien to you.>
So what kind of process are we going through? When do you feel alone, more
than any other time? When you take that torch and walk into the darkness.
Incredibly alone, just the pressing darkness and you. But is that not what
has to be done, what is happening to us all? Oh sure, when we are in our
light, we are safe.. It's what we know, and understand, and accept.. But the
moment we go beyond our limitations, the light, we have to enter darkness,
there is no other way to expand, but through the darkness of the unknown..
Frightening? Oh yeah.. Lonely? Oh you bet..
So, what happens? Each time our conciousness expands, we go into parts of
our darkness, either willingly or unwillingly, at that point there is a lot
of confusion, fears, realizations, and.. at least in my case, a strong
feeling of isolation, separation and aloneness.. But as soon as the unknown
becomes known, darkness turns into light, in all those areas there is then a
feeling of new awareness and connectedness.. Very beautiful! And then,
there is once more expansion into darkness.. And voila, more frightening and
lonely stuff.. Hehe, starting to get used to it, although at times it is
very intense and not very comfortable at all to say the least.
If you have chosen to go beyond your limitations and personal little
bubbles, you are indeed brave and courageous. Because it takes a lot of gut
to take that little torch and go into the cave of the dragon serpent.
With love
Gustaf
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