To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/11/16 17:53
Subject: [K-list] guys posts
From: Guy Johnson
On 2003/11/16 17:53, Guy Johnson posted thus to the K-list:
This was in answer to a question,
Namaste
Guy
> > Your question is very astute. There were many factors from the
> >pain of childhood that were instrumental in the process of my
> >awakening. First I didn't trust or believe in anything because my
> >parents talked of love and showed none. My mother was always
> >concerned with appearences and kept the horror behind closed doors.
> >My first love I knew came from a black woman who looked after me
> >between 1 and 2, and my second came from the devotion from our cat
> >and dog and I bless them.
> > Whenever I was at home I escaped into the forest where I hid from
> >my mother all day. I loved the energy and peace that surrounded me
> >there and as I stared into the shadows my eyes would change and the
> >world became brilient, like after an ice storm when the sun shines on
> >it. If I concentrated even harder the physical forms dissapeared and
> >my ears woud ring as the world including the rocks glowed in a
> >fantastic light show.
> > I never deeply attached to any beliefs. I also did not think of
> >my body as myself but rather more of a tool for my use. (As I had
> >been a tool to those who chose to abuse me both physically and
> >sexually... lack of self-worth and devaluing the body are typical off
> >shoots from this sort of childhood experience.) I became a
> >disattached observer of my self and the events of my life. Perhaps
> >the most important piece was knowing that nothing could be worse than
> >what I had already experienced. When the time came that I neared the
> >edge of percieved reality at the end of the tunnel, there was no
> >fear. I did not hesitate to leap into the void. Long hours of
> >physical, repetitious labor developed a powerful will, awareness and
> >energy within my third eye, as well as tremendous physical endurance.
> >A desire for freedom from oppression dominated much of my thought. I
> >mistrusted all authority. I read voraciously and graduated to adult
> >books at a very young age. This was also a mystical time for me. My
> >hands, arms and body tingled with energy as reading was not very
> >different from the saying a mantra, in that, with intellect occupied,
> >the body can discover the divine within.
> > My first kundalini experiences came with my need for pleasure in
> >the form of masturbation starting around age ten. I soon discovered
> >that, though most engagements were physical, occassionally I
> >experienced a total body orgasm, and my fascination with that drove
> >me to try again and again, many times a day. When I wore through the
> >skin of my penis I tried to have the experience through concentrated
> >focus, and though not completly successful, I experienced a euphoric
> >pleasure, the pursuit of which later brought on a full Kundalini
> >awakening.
> >
> >I'll write more soon... need to take care of some things... this
> >thought is not complete, but gives you a sense of my understanding of
> >my process and how it evolved.
> >
> >Guy
> >
> >
> >
> >
_
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