To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/10/10 01:44
Subject: [K-list] my awakening ... perhaps...
From: Martin Kerr
On 2003/10/10 01:44, Martin Kerr posted thus to the K-list:
hello all,
i wanted to post you my experiences of what i have come to believe as a kundalini awakening.
back in 1999, i had had a rather intense year.... i had separated from my wife, and was
living no-where.... just staying here and there whereever friends would be hospitable.
it was as one could imagine... an upheaval... both physical and mental.... and something snapped.
i had always been interested in "esoteric religion" - for want of a better phrase, and had always
had an "alternative view" on life ... although i had never studied eastern culture or religion to
any degree..
in the summer of that year - 1999 - i had the most incredible experience - and, the most
scary experience - of my life.
it was after myself and my wife had separated... and was also after a very stressful time coming to
terms with her new relationship with her new parter.....someone who was also a long time friend....
one evening i sat at a friends house, talking with him and other friends... and in one moment
i suddenly felt a pain rising in my right hand side ... rising up my legs... across my torso...
and ending up in a crushing sensation in the right hand side of my head....
... i dropped to the floor from the chair on which i was seated... the room became.... irrelavant
as i struggled with the pain and numbness in my body.... this continued for many minutes...
... i remember i could talk... and was quite cheerful... but in serious pain... i was totally
ignorant of what was happening... it was simply "intense"... after this sensation... the pain
and the numbness slowly receeded... only to arise again... this time on the left hand side of
my body - but in the same fashion - rising up from the core of me into my head... numbness
in the whole of my right arm... crushing pain and blinding "energy/light/noise/pressure" in
my head... i recall my friend asking me whether he should call a doctor and i replied
"well... i don't know ... this is the most excruciating pain i have ever experienced... and
at the moment i'm not sure if i fell i am about to die... yet i feel content that this should happen
for some reason... i don't know why.... i'm really scared... yet i am really "warm" ... as if "loved" "
... i don't even try to speculate what happened that night.... yet from that time i have suffered
from no emotional stress or pain..... i have sensed a wholness of life i had never imagined before....
i have become a person able to cope and understand so much about myself and the pain
( psychological ) which other people suffer.... yet at the same time i feel dis-connected... almost
remote from the "real world" .... i feel like i am somehow living in a world of illusion... and
sometimes this is frightening.... sometimes i feel like i am out on alimb from the people around
me.
there are few people ... if any ... in my life who actually understand what i mean when i describe
the world i see around me ....
... this is not a plea for friendship in this group.... it is just my self saying that i know feel there
is something very important in this ... something radical....
... oddly... a week after i received the above "transformation" ( of sorts ) ... i met with someone
who has become a lifelong friend... and i did not describe this experience... but i did describe
my background in philosophy and science... and she gave me a copy of a book ... a dialogue
between Jiddu Krishamurti and Dr David Bohm "Limits of Thought" ... and in reading this
book it seemed to totally ring true in my head as to what "the mind" was and how i lived as
a human being... and how people existed in this world.....
these days... i am quieter than i was... yet i move thought life with a feeling of connectedness
with something i am not fully aware of... yet i feel guided by something....
... and i feel only love for all... nothing else.... no pain... no hatred... none of this....
i say these things just as a recollection of my experience....
a month or so ago.... i was writing some text on holistic existence and how we, and conciousness
exist in the universe ( in my feeling of it )... and two night later i was brought to meet again
something very powerful... a voice which was shouting at me.... as if i was touching upon something
i was not yet ready for.... and as i tried to sleep that night... i could not sleep for hours and hours
as every time i 'drifted off' i would be killed in my dream by some circumstance or other.... i lay
in bed thinking that i was becoming schizophrenic.... i was seriously worried.... and a week or
so later another friend lent me a copy of a book on kundalini....
... this book lay my fears to rest... i felt ... maybe nievely... but i felt... for the first time that i had
understood something within my head that had confused me for many years.....
all the symptoms listed on http://www.kundalini-gateway.org/ksigns.html i have seen in myself....
all of them... some of these have been wonderful... some frightening..... but all of them i see as
important....
i am still just a child.... of 34. growing.
peace and love to you all,
Martin.
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