To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/09/29 03:36
Subject: [K-list] Re: K-list Digest, Vol 3, Issue 31
From: j g
On 2003/09/29 03:36, j g posted thus to the K-list:
Gahhh. Another sleepless night. I've been coming down
a lot, very quickly too :/ Kind of stressfull and hard
to get by. Seems like I'm just having to relearn all
of these life lessons over again, and really quick
before I get dropped back off in normal reality.
People scare me these days, I scare myself too I
guess. Kundalini might be very well taking care of
everything, but sometimes it seems as if things are so
bad. Life is good-the green leaves blow in the wind,
the earth's ocean used to cover the land-you know? Why
do we ignore the ocean? Its soooo big! Life is good.
Life is amazing. Earth just kind of seemed to be the
place that had all the right elements to create life.
Why care about traffic when we're all floating around
in space?
Kundalini is driving me down like a stone. All of a
sudden I understand-I guess I found a place of
understanding and its simply too blue, too sad, too
heavy to carry. Then sometimes..Something beautiful
happenes. I remember all too cleary some beautiful
girl in my past, or a friend will really show me
something of them selves, some part of their life,
something inspiring and creative, something they just
imagined them self to be!
Sometimes life just opens up all the doors, and shows
you the path is as sweet as a song, this life is
expanding! This life is growing and blooming! The
universe is reaching out, expanding forever! Opening
up! Open up! How could you be so brave? I think of
fear-I'm afraid, everyday I'm afraid! The sky is
HUGEEE yanno? Be afraid :/ The earth is rotating you
know, she might be doing some clearing in her own sad
ways, just like the rest of us. Her ice caps melt-our
towers and buildings crumble! Ganesh releases us from
the silly lifes we build around our selves until we
awaken! God!
Then there's some kind of pull. My breathing shortens
out, the sun has only slightly just began to go back
down in the afternoon and I still can't sleep. The
smell of a flower, a lemon and cyan pepper shot opens
my sinuses one more time before sleep...And then I
have to realize my mom and father don't care to
realize my pain-its okay though-I'm okay with that
sometimes at least..
Then I remember my friends and their sad lives-their
hopelessness, their struggles, and I try to forget to
remember mine, I try to forget about that thought, I
try to forget that one little sad thought that tells
me something like-Jason, i fthis ever happens
again...I don't know if you're going to make it..Then
the world fades out, I don't struggle so much, my
breathing shallows, as it is shallow now..I think of a
song, or a woman..I think of something other than what
my body is going through... Then I have to realize the
world is blacking out around me..Am I falling asleep?
Maybe?..I feel fuzzy, my body floats down stream..And
then POP! My ears are buzzing! It feels like a huge
dragonfly slapping its wings at my ear, and I wake up
started to realize I havn't been breathing! What?! I
choke down some air and thats it.
I feel fear everyday, and sometimes I can't sleep.
Sometimes I can't even breath. Life! Life is amazing.
Kudalini is a struggle, is change. She makes you
move-The earth, she makes you feel, she makes you
breath. She makes you cry and fight and struggle. She
makes you swim! She made us swim! She makes us run,
and fight, and love and play. Everyday! She makes us
learn, and understand, she makes us curious and she
makes us horny and old, and all at the same time.
She's taking care of you. You can feel that, can't
you? She's taking care of you and everything your life
revolves around. She's in your heart, she's in your
hair, in your toes and in all kinds of dirty places
when you go to beach when yer a child-or when yer
being one..
Anyway, goodnight,
lofe,
Jason
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