To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/08/17 01:10
Subject: [K-list] Sharing (was Meditation)
From: Julie D
On 2003/08/17 01:10, Julie D posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Hillary, List,
>>>Interesting question. <<<
Thanks. I thought it was. I've been a bit dissappointed with the response
to it though.
>>>I've never consciously meditated, so perhaps Hatha Yoga (and its
accompanying pranayama) takes the place of meditation for me. It doesn't
trigger any mystical reaction at the time I'm exercising, but at night K
takes over with its altered breathing and kriya stretches. The mystical and
pleasure centers of the brain then seem to get activated--probably due to
the release of seratonin and/or endorphins, or perhaps in some way the
mechanisms which govern thought separations break down. <<<
Yoga is a very balanced form I think. K takes over at night for me to
although I don't seem to have much Kriya activity any more. It's more like
a gentle rythmic rocking rather than hanging off the bed or contortion. I
like the interpretation that the thought mechanisms break down, I haven't
thought of it in this way before.
>>>I think once we experience some of these states there is a compelling
need for them to continue--whether from the desire to reach a goal of some
sort (clearing out blocks, reaching "spiritual enlightenment"), the desire
to continue to experience the pleasure it can bring, or simply the need to
release pressure. Maybe even from curiosity. But perhaps these are just
excuses our brains make. K seems to want us to do whatever it takes to keep
it going. I'm not sure "we" are in control at this point.<<<
I don't think we are in control either. I do think that we can co-operate
with the process or fight with it though. There is a lot of psychological
writing that compares states of schizophrenia with mystical states. Jung
was the first to do this as far as I'm aware. The similarities between the
phenomena that occurs between the two states can be breathtaking. What is
different is the interpretation of the phenomena and the attitude of the
person in whom it is occuring. I'm not implying that all cases of
schizoprenia are K activity but I think that there is a substantial body of
evidence to suggest that a large portion of it could be. I think it was in
one of Grof's books that quoted a psychiatric patient as making a statement
concerning those that are "turned on and far out" as opposed to those who
are just crazy. The thought of this just horrifies me and makes me wonder
what would have occurred if I had of revealed my experience. Perhaps there
are good reasons for paranoia sometimes.
For me, Kundalini awakening was an incredible shock. It wasn't that I
didn't just believe such a thing was possible, I actually believed it
wasn't. Although I cooperated at first due to the numinous feel of the
series of events leading up to it and the presence that I felt with it, it
only took about two weeks before I was using every means that I could think
of to control it and stop it. I had very grave fears for my sanity and felt
a strong need to cover up what was happening to me which made me wonder if I
was paranoid as well as delusional. There were 11 weeks in my awakening
where there was very little pleasure and a hell of a lot of pain. I was
literally burning in hell. At one stage I remember wondering if this was
how spontaneous combustion occured. This flipped me into an altered state
in which I watched with intense curiousity as to how this would occur. It
never did. (I guess that's obvious :-) I was also experiencing archetypal
events like crucifixion and giving birth in a bodily way. Kundalini took
over my physiological process in order to keep the process going or I
believed it did, which is really the same thing anyway. Yet I knew that I
was more alive than I had ever been and I didn't want to return to the state
prior to the awakening. I wanted the presence without the energy.
After I gave up the fight that's what I got for the next year as I over
worked out every day at the gym. During this period everytime the energy
started to move I could stop it... until I couldn't anymore. The energy
released three times while I was actually working out. The first of these I
stopped and was floored with back pain that had me on a mat in agony much to
the concern of the gym staff. It just went within half an hour. The next
two times I didn't try to stop it. I was terrified that the hell thing was
going to happen again. At this point, my oldest and closest friend who had
developed clairvoyance a year before my K began, introduced me to
spiritualist doctrine and who I trusted more than any person in the world,
gave me a reading. She described the form of the presence (I had also
received 3 different drawings of clairvoyant impressions by three different
artists in this year) and then went on to give me a reading in a light
trance state in which I felt the phenomenon in my body that corresponded to
the words this presence was saying through her. After that I started to
cooperate although I think there was still a lot of resistence being
expressed through me. My conscious intention though was surrender. During
this year I was operating under the delusion that I was controlling the
energy by my extreme workouts. Now what I think was happening was K wanted
me to get really fit and I was doing exactly as it wanted. I could think
whatever I liked!
Wow, I've deviated a lot from what I intended to say. I've kept silent
about all of this for 10 years and Kerrie, my friend above, is the only one
that's had an inkling of what has been happening, although she doesn't know
the whole story either. Now I seem to need to speak about it. I have also
felt this need in the Holistic Counselling Course that I am doing. To date
I have largely resisted this impulse. This seems to be the forum where I am
letting go. I guess it is safer. I feel I need feedback though. I'd
really like to know how what I say affects you and where our similarities
and differences in undergoing this process lie. I have contented myself
with reading for so long and I have felt very much alone in these
experiences. If you could find it in your hearts to engage in an
interactive process with me about these things I would be so grateful.
I guess I'll leave my thoughts about meditation for another time.
Hillary, thank you for responding to my post. I deeply appreciate your
commitment to the list and your responses to virtually all of the posts.
Your knowledge, resources and warmth are incredibly nurturing and provide
the list with a wonderful, gentle strength.
With love,
Julie.
To get a reminder of your password or adjust your subscription, visit:
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org/mailman/listinfo/k-list_kundalini-gateway.org
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.