To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/08/13 21:13
Subject: [K-list] spiders
From: Andre Oides
On 2003/08/13 21:13, Andre Oides posted thus to the K-list:
Hello, everyone. This is my first post in this list.
My name is Andre, and I'm from Brazil. I chose to
reply to this message about spiders because this
animal has a deep significance in my personal
simbolism and I have lots of stories about it.
I like spiders very much. I often dream with them, and
consider the Spider as a kind of spiritual guide,
since the experiences i had with it.
For me, the Spider represents all my fears, my
personal demons, my retracted energies and memories,
darkness. Initially, I was very disgusted in the
presence of spiders. I thought they were strange and
misterious. I feared their poison, and their power to
bring death upon other creatures. And fearing death
myself, at the time, I also feared spiders. But I also
found them strangely beautiful. This was when I was a
very young child.
Onde day, when I was about twelve, I was lying in my
bed almost asleep, when I entered a strange hypnogogic
state. At that time, I saw a big glowing yellow Spider
hanging from the ceiling, and coming down in my
direction. I felt so afraid that I woke up and could
not speak. That was a sensation of extreme fear.
After some time, and having meditated much about the
significance of that happening, I understood that what
happened revealed some kind of lesson about fear to
me. I, who was so proud of my power to bring down
spirits and not being afraid of anything or anyone,
realized that I had not banished all fear from my
heart. There was still some of it, hidden inside me,
the fear of death, the clinging to my own ego. The
Spider revealed that.
Some time later, letting go of all pride, on intention
I made myself dream that I was a big, poisonous,
voracious, ugly and disgusting black spider. Being the
monster that I feared so much, I embraced my own fear
and surrendered completely to it. I would no longer
fear, since all fear was part of myself. In the form
of Spider, I devoured all the demons that surrounded
me, weaving the web of my destiny.
That represented a kind of awakening to me. After
that, many things happened. That was one of the
lessons I learned from the Spider.
Later, I learned that to be really liberated I had not
only to eat my demons but also to offer myself in
sacrifice to them, offer my own flesh and blood and
soul to be devoured. This way I could be freed from
the contraints of the ego. At this time, I offered
myself in sacrifice to the Spider and attained
freedom. That was other lesson from the Spider.
Eat and be eaten. Be present every moment. That's it.
_______
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