To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/04/26 23:55
Subject: [K-list] some basic questions
From: J. Bradley
On 2003/04/26 23:55, J. Bradley posted thus to the K-list:
First off, thanks to those of you who e'd me, welcoming me! Finding the
list and hearing your voices! Well, I guess you've all experienced what I'm
feeling right now -- hey, I'm not crazy, I'm not alone, and it might even
all gonna be ok. *smiles*
Of course, there are those times, like this afternoon, when the energy
derails me and all my wonderful intentions to control it. Although I know I
can control it, and that's what ultimately helps me. If it's in my body,
it's mine and I'm gonna control it! It might take me awhile.... *laughs*
I'd like to know a few (million) things ... hahaha ... it seems like some
people have times where the energy seems to go away and then comes back, in
flare-ups. Is this more common, or is it more common for it to always be
there? Or is it expecting too much to look for usually's with this stuff?
As I mentioned in my first post, I seem to have this huge bubble of energy
stuck to my front, which goes back into my body to just about my spine. I
know it doesn't really stop at my spine, but that's where the anxiety seems
to stop. It's not -always- an anxiety thing, but it seems to be mostly a
negative experience. When I don't control my thoughts, so to speak, it gets
really intense, and there's a few times a day when I think, this is too
much, I just can't do it anymore. That's not an option, of course, but
continually being overwhelmed isn't either -- I swore off xanax last year,
and I'll never go back. *tilts chin up proudly*
My thought on this anxiety-cold-dread-bubble-from-hell stuff is it's the K
energy beating the you-know-what out of my solar plexus and heart chakras.
I mentioned in my first post how this is also doing a big number on my
kidneys, with the concomitant back pain. What I'd like to know is this:
has anyone figured out a way to get it to move on past something like this?
I've read the "just let go off your fear/past issues/whatever and it'll move
on" approach; that doesn't seem to work for me. Of course, I could be in
denial, although I'm an in-my-face type of person and I've never been any
good at hiding stuff from myself, although I did use to think all the abuse
I suffered hadn't affected me. *laughs* I honestly (and I don't say this
smugly, not at all) believe I've worked most of my past issues out. I've
worked at it sincerely and with a hugely open mind for over a decade; I've
done years of talk therapy and body work (a lot of chiropractic, a lot of
craniosacral/SER work, some acupuncture, and lately, a -lot- of energy
work). And I'm not afraid of this stuff, not at all -- I love it, I just
don't like the anxiety bubble. That has to go. *snickers*
Now, about the energy moving up. The article "The Day My Kundalini Woke Up"
talked about the energy moving down from the head and up from the pelvis and
meeting at the middle. I've never experienced that explosion he talks
about, the huge white light, the streaming up out of the top of the head,
the music/sounds. My sense is that it started at my coccyx/sacrum, and has
been working it's way up since then. I don't really get a sense of energy
moving down from my head. Does there come a time, given releases of all the
restrictions, or at least the ones that seem to halt the energy, that the
energy just sort of flows all the time?
I get the feeling I'm asking for knowns in the land of unknowns. Just
looking at the list of symptoms should give me that clue. But if anyone
knows of a way to get the energy past a restriction, that would be so
amazing to hear! And, please, I'm not that good with the karmic approach,
no offense, it's just me. I also find meditation next to impossible; the
best I can do is what I call spinning, and not the kind on a bike -- I think
it's a Sufi thing. I simply turn around in circles on the spot, and I can
do that for ages. Stilling my mind is not something I do easily; never
have.
*sighs* Once again I've gone on far too long. That's me, though, and I
appreciate that this list accepts the likes of just me's. *smiles*
Thanks for being out there!
Jude
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