To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/03/05 16:29
Subject: Re: [K-list] My demons...Please read for more clarification. Th
From: Niklas
On 2003/03/05 16:29, Niklas posted thus to the K-list:
Dear One Man Alone,
whoa - I barely dare to respond to this one...
* One Man Alone <one_odd_stranger AT_NOSPAM yahoo.com>:
> While I'm not, um............open enough to explain the whole
> deal, I'll do my best, though I'll be shaking like a shaved
> hamster in a glass of ice water(like I usually do when I'm
> being open).
In my opininon, you showed an extraordinary amount of courage,
strength and openness in posting this story of yours on the list.
You deserve deep respect for this.
Your story makes most of the "problems" many other people have to
cope with in their lives (mine for example) look pathetic :-)
I fear sounding careless or zynical when trying to give some
advice to somebody who has to cope with more than I ever had
to... Anyway theres no point in comparing the backpacks of
problems we have to carry. Everybody has his individual load.
Perhaps it helps to look at yours in a way, that it is such a
backpack, that it's heaviness pushed your nose right into the
"shit" (your demons) after several falls - *but/and* you were
intelligent/aware/sensitive enough of noticing/refleting! You
are *forced* to inquire. The danger to stumble is big, one falls
into one big hole after another, but *you* have become advanced
at climbing out of them again and again by now (there'll be more
to come).
Ain't that grace? Ain't that an opportunity which most of the
people zombiing through the city -remaining in their sleepwalking
state, rushing from past to future, missing the eternal moment
constantly- have not?
You noticed the problem. You are actively working on it. You
already got some good tools in hand. Bingo! And... you know whats
fantastic? It is said that once you have set foot on the
spiritual path, there is no turning back :-)
> My demons are my own actions, and I can't get rid of them no
> matter how hard I try. They haunt me everyday.
Keep watching them, *gently* - as gentle, forgiving, tolerating
as you can. They shure will haunt you for some more time to come.
I fear there is no quick fix. They will keep coming back from
time to time. What can be done is taking their power by
acceptance, tolerance, surrender - as I wrote before, invite them
in for tea: "Hello there... 'anger'/'aggression' (just examples)
... come in and have tea..." Watch them lovingly and *see them
leave* after some time again, they are just guests! Treating them
that way takes their power over you.
A book I would heartily recommend in this context is "A path with
heart" by Jack Kornfield. Many "pearls of wisdom" in that one!
> I deserve to be pinned to the ground and sliced into 8 pieces
> for that. I wish I could die after saying that.
> [...]
> I've lost my faith in God several times in my life, blamed him,
> disrespected him, and I deserve to burn in Hell forever. I'm
> strong in my convictions now, but I still wish I'd die.
> [...]
> Damn, I wish I would rot away.
> [...]
> I'm alone.
> I deserve to be alone.
NO!
It is your birthright to see the grace and live in the light of
the divine - *no* matter what you do (escaping impossible :-) It
is your birthright to realize your union with god and you have
every right to call upon god/goddess/(put in your favourite name
here) to give you support. In the end there is nobody to blame -
and that includes you :) - you are not even in charge actually!
Still a right amount of effort is paradoxically a proper thing to
bring in... but it's *never* too late for it.
Can't say why exactly, but one of my favourite poems comes to my
mind. It's called "Please Call Me By My True Names" and it's
written by Thich Nhat Hanh - www.google.com found it for example
under: http://www.tribeofheart.org/tohhtml/truename.htm
> At this point in my life, I'm reviewing my life
> as if I were about to die(thought I don't plan on it. I'm just
> expressing how in depth my review is). All this is also why I
> feel I have some wisdom to offer.
Exactly... with your experiences and given a proper effort you
have the potential for becoming a very wise and valuable teacher
- no need to hurry though :-)
Sending you love,
Niklas
P.S.: I pondered sending this to the list or just as personal
mail, but since you, One Man Alone, were brave enough to post
your story on the list, I took this as a call for supporting
*discussion*. Thus the post - anybody please educate me how this
is generally looked at on k-list.
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