To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/02/24 22:30
Subject: [K-list] (no subject)
From: Deepak Srinivasan
On 2003/02/24 22:30, Deepak Srinivasan posted thus to the K-list:
hi all,
its been a long time since i checked my mails in this
account. this one i keep for the K website responses
and other spiritual emails.
anyways, i felt the need to write today....ihave
already sent out SOS in the past but didnt get
relevant answers. ANOTHER TRY .
well, my problem is this. I am at a point where i dont
trust or believe anything. I havent had K awakening at
least i think i havent...but i have tried other forms
of healing that also seem questionable. i tried reiki,
i tried meditation i tried sahaj yoga (spontaneous K
awakening by Matha Nirmala Devi)...but the tangiable
experience of GOdliness isnt ever felt. I also feel
real dead inside. I feel like i havent made any
spiritual progress in all my 23 years of life. I dont
know what im living for. i am a very creative person,
OR SO I THINK. but im in a career that i draining me.
I want to get away but i cant. i also struggle with
sexual issues. In the east, where i come from, alll
the spiritual saints have preached brahmacharya or
celebacy to attain god. Sex and expressing sexuality
is deemed dirty and non-godly. Yet, in the Bagavad
Gita, lord Krishna says that attainment of Moksha or
liberation can also be done thru Kama or Sexual
tantric practices....\
also, Christianity preaches abstainence to attain God.
I HENCE TRY TO FIGHT my natural urges and practice
abstinence but it is very dufficult...
In short, im a burnout case in every way. I also feel
that im a bad human being with a big ego...though ive
been fooling myself that i have been getting rid of my
basal emotions...
I dunno guys....im real down with all this stuff. i
JUST kind of hate myself. I dont know what to do with
myself.
sorry to be throwing a bunch of garbage out here..i
knwo nothing made sense...thats how abstract my mind
is also....thses days it cant stick to anything for
too long. I want peace of mind. I want to find god. i
want to find myself and be content with ME.
WHAT DO I DO? can someone help me>?
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