To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/02/05 13:08
Subject: [k-list] Sleep Paralysis
From: felix
On 2003/02/05 13:08, felix posted thus to the K-list:
On Tue, 04 Feb 2003 08:37:00 -0800
Mystress Angelique Serpent <Mystress AT_NOSPAM kundalini-gateway.org> wrote:
>
> >The condition of paralysis would seem to relate to bondage
> >in a very direct way. I wonder if there is a connection
> >between sleep paralysis, and how one deals with it, and
> >seeking bondage?
>
> Perhaps... it is my observation that submissive personalities are gifted, when it comes to K. because surrender and submission comes more naturally to them. Dominants won't surrender till they have no other option, so they get beaten into it. Even so... when it comes to the kind of unreasoning fear that is produced by some types of sleep paralysis, the playing field is leveled.
I remember a dream from when I was about 3-4 years old in
which the "boogy man" was after to me and I woke up
screaming bloody murder. My mother came and swooped me up in
her arms and hugged me between her huge breasts (42D at 12
years of age) and literally like to have smothered me to
death, and I seemed even more frightened of her killing me than the boogy man. Interestingly enough, these same huge
breasts had mastitis when I was born, and I like to have
starved to death before they realized I wasn't getting any
milk from them.
About ten years ago I had a flashback to one particular era
when my father was beating me more constantly than ever
(Later, I found out he was about to lose his job), and I
could see his face and eyes as if I were reliving it.
Simultaneously I remembered my own emotional response, and
it seemed as if we were performing some weird sex ritual. He
would beat me until I cried repentantly, and so I could
control the length of my beating by a refusal to cry.
There was a kind of ritual in his approach. At the last
moment after he had berated me for whatever childish misdeed
I was accused of, he would send me to the bathroom to get
his razor strop. When I returned with it, he would take it
in his right hand, and grab me with his left hand by my left
upper arm, and tell me with tears in his eyes that this was
going to hurt him more than it hurt me. Then he would start
beating me. The more I resisted, the harder he would beat
me. The harder he beat me the more I resisted giving in to
crying, and we would go round and round until I capitulated
and cried, and then he would hug me and hold me close until
I stopped crying.
In this particular flashback I remember seeing his eyes in
the process of the beating, and they would be gleaming
maniacally, and I realized he enjoyed it, and even more
strangely that I enjoyed it to. Not the pain so much,
because it really hurt, but the connection between us as
this ritual occurred. This was like a game we played
together. Even a competition. As I got older, I developed
the tolerance to refuse to cry until he was absolutely
exhausted physically, and the gleam would leave his eyes,
as his original emotion dissipated to a look of begging me
to cry. Then I would cry... triumphantly! He didn't hug me
and hold me after the beatings then, he would go and sink
exhausted in his chair.
No wonder I became a drama major in college. I've always
wondered why. LOL
>
>
> >I seek the equivalent of sleep paralysis during my
> >meditation practice and as a precondition to OOB experience
> >when I take to my bed as a signal that my body is ready to
> >let go of the astral body so that I can do what I do then.
>
> I don't think it is equivalent. It appears to me that you are generalizing in order to draw parallels that are not really appropriate. While there are many kinds of sleep paralysis, the most troubling is the one which comes with the mindless intense fear. I get different kinds of gentle sleep paralysis too, but I do not get the fear that they other types contain.
Yes, I still experience terror occasionally when I first
fall asleep. Maybe having to do with the description you
offered about ego death and facing the collective
accumulation of my karma... which is considerable. ;-)
This is also reminescient of the descriptions associated
with the Tibetan Book of the Dead, in which it is
presupposed that the dead person becomes so concerned with
the events of their past history that they forget to give
attention to those lights which present themselves one after
the other offering various reincarnations.
> As an aspect of my ADD, I go into a light, momentary catatonic state many times a day. I'm usually not even aware of it. Leave the body to get insights and come back to speak or write. Because I'm not in my body at the time, there is no problem with the immobility... but being bound is not fun for me at all. Perhaps because it is external. Even so, being bound does not limit me from action, because I have power of being able to affect others at a distance.
My first grasp of time-distortion, encountered when I went
to Harry Aaron's hypnosis school, gave me deep insight into
how this works for me. Occasionally, as I sit in my favorite
cafe eating breakfast and working crossword puzzles. I
return to beta consciousness with a coffee cup halfway up to
my lips, self-conciously look around to see if anybody is
staring at me, and when I complete the cycle and take a sip
of coffee it has gotten cool. The embarrassment I feel for
the indiscretion of leaving while in the midst of a crowd of
people has the same effect of forgetting my dreams when
sharply awakened by an alarm clock, I become immediately
involved in the present and sometime lose memory of my
activities during oob.
I fantasy I have experienced your ability to affect people
from a distance. Do you have dark, medium length hair, dark
eyes, and an classical oval face? I had not seen the face
directly until recently.
<>
> > Do you think there is a connection
> >between bondage and sleep paralysis?
>
> No. However, there is an interesting connection between bondage and OBE, especially when combined with sensory deprivation.
> http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/obe.htm
> Blessings...
I found myself fascinated enough by sensory deprivation to build my own crude float tank. Before it depreciated into
uselessness I spent hours and hours in it. The interesting
thing was that no one else seemed able to stay inside of it
for more than ten minutes. Very fascinating during that era,
but I seem to have lost my interest presently.
felix
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