To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/01/12 01:56
Subject: Re: [k-list] Employment Troubles
From: Lavina Leone
On 2003/01/12 01:56, Lavina Leone posted thus to the K-list:
Back in the sixties I ran away from a home situation that was unbearable.
I hitched rides from the Northwest to Wisconsin and back. I have been a free spirit ever since. I have always dreamed of a home away from the distractions of the populated world. Although I have worn many hats, doing whatever I need to when the need arises the work that I gravitate to is massage. I am not licensed, I got into it at a sleezy shack of a place in 1969. The woman who took me under her wing was busted for prostitution twice the second time she just never returned. She moved on, I moved on. I learned how to give a good massage from her and the skill proved its worth as I wandered about looking for myself until I married in the late 70's. I did not work again until 1997 when I was divorced. Without a license the only way to do what I knew to do was through escort services. I could have just done what was needed and gotten the license but just never wanted to. Free spirit I guess. I won't be able to do even this someday, much sooner than I had planned on.
My life has been good, living on the edge has suited me, except or the responsibilities of husband and children I have never had to answer to anyone and I could come and go pretty much as I pleased. I never worried about what would happen when I got older. I am not yet 50, that is so NOT what I considered to be old.... I thought 70 something would begin being old. Because I have always been physically fit without effort I expected to live a very long time, but I expected my mind was going to be fit too.
All this talk about employment trouble broke open the doors of denial for me and a flood of emotion. I have been told that I have what appears to be the beginnings of alzheimers. I have known it for more than a year.
I got a decent settlement when my marriage ended. A short time ago I finally dipped into the spoils of the only love I have known, it took me years to go there, I had emotioal baggage attached to it. I bought me a small cabin in the foothills of Mt Raineer, something I always wanted. I had had visions of staying there until old age took me, gracefully. I can take care of myself. I thought I could. Now, I don't know. I don't know what I am going to be able to do. I have no health care, state funded nursing homes really do not appeal, if you know what I mean. I have savings but it is not even enough to see me past the first year without an income, I don't think that qualifies as a retirement fund. I have grown children, they have children. I have no desire to be a burden. I thought myself invinceable, I have the physical health of a 30 year old and the prospect of slipping backwards to the mind of an infant.
I have beaten myself up for thinking I was invinceable, for not believing I would grow old, I should have taken care of details better. But hey, I got over it. It is what it is. My faith that God will take care of me has not been shaken. My faith that I will take care of me has been shot to hell though.
I went to my little cabin during the holiday
"If you´re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now." Marie Osmond
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