To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/01/07 08:53
Subject: [K-list] Accosted by a Mime
From: Paul Perner
On 2003/01/07 08:53, Paul Perner posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Friends,
Uncomfortable anger, defensiveness, get-evenness.... they all came
up in me this evening, but most intesly during an event that happened
over the weekend.
Saturday was dead lousy for this lad. A medical condition I have was
haunting me and my girlfriend was so frustrated she lapsed into anger. I
felt
physically drained, thoroughly doomed and alone. I had to get out of
the house... go anywhere... to something.
I hopped on the bus and rode it down to the boardwalk. I needed to
connect with people... any people... somehow. I wanted to get lost
in the crowds. I wanted to find a good drum circle or just watch the waves
carry my thoughts away. It was all there, for sure, the waves the people,
the music, but I wasn't. I was just marching through the motions. I was
a frustrated, hurt, pissed off, whatever and I was going to squeeze some
healing out of this coconut patch damn it!
With my hat almost pulled over my eyes, I weaved through the bodies
near a cafe when suddenly I heard laughter all around me. Another
roll of giggles rose up and I realized people has cleared a circle around
me. Just as I was walking out of the area, I turn my head slightly and
caught a glimpse of brightly painted face just inches from the back of
my head. The man instantly and silently slipped back into the
crowd.
I knew I had just been the unwitting target of street theater, but I
wasn't amused. What did this clown do behind my back that made
everybody laugh? Not once but twice, for crissake! I was pissed. Who
gave that panhandling bozo the right to violate my space!? I felt
humiliated.
It was time to march back and give him a piece of my mind. He just
messed with the wrong guy on the wrong day and I was going to make
sure he understood that clearly.
As I walked back to the cafe area, I was stewing mad. I had visions
of my punching his painted nose in front of his audience. Seriously.
When I reached the scene of the crime, he was nowhere to found.
I walked up a side street, but no luck. Then something started to
change.
I recalled that split second when I saw him through the corner
of my eye. There was no viciousness from the man.
Soon I began to feel even a loving grace from that elusive
encounter. And just as soon, I felt so base... so moronic to
have harbored violent thoughts against him. I started thinking,
"maybe I'll just ask him for an apology."
Soon even that felt ridiculous. Now it went full circle and
it was *me* who wanted to apologize to *him*. I wanted to just
to cry on his shoulders..... "I'm sick, brother... I'm lost and screwed
up today... and I wanted to lash out against you."
I never found him again that day, but somehow I knew it was
unnecessary. The more I recollect that brief moment, the more I feel
as though he saw clean through me. I became the Fool falling into
the unknown, kicking at perceived enemies in the air with my legs and
flapping my arms trying to fly. I felt so dumb.... but man, did it work.
On the ride home I looked around at the other passengers and
wondered what other potential miracle mimes sans face paint
could be sitting near me.
Real life is the most amazing dream I haven't been able to
sleep through.
Good Morning Again,
Paul
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