To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/11/11 20:06
Subject: [K-list] Luminaries of the Darkness
From: Lady Joyce
On 2002/11/11 20:06, Lady Joyce posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Mystress...
I hope you and the rest of the list will endure my Selfishness...I want to
share a beautiful moment with you in reflection of one of yours...it makes
me feel so good...No, I am not ready for...what do you call it?...
Nonduality?...Nirvana or something like that?...
Do I judge? NO!!!...lest I be
judged....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....Yawn..................................
I am too K-eyed Up...In the words of St Augustine, I think, "Save me,
Lord...just don't save me yet!..."
Mystress, somewhere in a post today or yesterday, that is only now in my
mind but lost to my short (lazy) search of my email inbox, you referred to
how each of the stars in the sky is...a soul in the Whole or something like
that....part of the cosmic puzzle...Egypt...stars, beautiful stars...Star
Wars!!! Nothing but words!!! Nothing but sword...
Anyway, it took me straight to this short excerpt from one of my journeys
to the top of a mountain...I wrote this after I returned back to
Pennsylvania from the Death Penalty Seminar in the state of Wyoming, at
Thunderhead Ranch, high in the mountains near Dubois, home of the Trial
Lawyers College...home of psycho drama...just a little over 7000 feet
altitude.
Now back home in the Valley, my own Valley of Darkness, Goddess reaches out
to me with Love and Affirmation...I have no idea at this point who or what a
Kundalini is...I just know there is now a presence within with whom I share
deeply...it is early June, just approaching beginning of Summer where I
live...in a suburb, yes, with a minivan for my two kids, just outside of
Philadelphia...LUMINARIES OF THE DARKNESS
I have been home for several hours now. Everyone in the house is asleep
except me. I cannot sleep. I can not even try to sleep. Emotions rage inside
of me from the seminar. I remember the luminaries of the darkness who shined
so brightly...sharing their knowledge, their hearts, their souls, their
pain.
I open the kitchen door to the back yard and go outside to sit in the dark.
This is my special place. I look up into the sky to see the stars and there
are none to see. The sky is overcast as is my heart. I know that right now
the stars are shining brightly above Thunderhead Ranch, trillions of them.
I close my eyes to see them once more. Up at that altitude, high in the
mountains, the firmament is so expansive, looming with stars, layer upon
layer, expanding outward into space. Some shining so brightly, some shining
steadily with their guiding lights. The twinkle of lights playing out the
dance of the night, each blinking with its own special rhythm in the sky.
As I open my eyes, I return to the overcast sky. Darkness pervades. In
sadness, I begin to look around me. Oh, look over there! I see something
that seems to be glowing softly in the darkness. Is it a flower? I move
closer to see. Yes!!!...it is an evening primrose, the only one in full
bloom, open for the night to which it pays homage. I move closer to take it
all in. I reach over and take the stem into my hand. I pull it towards me
bringing the flower closer to me with my hand so I can share its beauty more
deeply. Soft pale yellow, pastel in coloring, luminescent in the night.
As a sense of joy for the beauty that I see begins to replace my sadness, I
see another light! This one is shining softly in the foliage of the stem of
the evening primrose. Just a little space under the leaf lights up and then
there is darkness again. What was that? The tiny light appears again and I
realize that it is a lightning bug! I love lightning bugs! I have awakened a
sleeping lightning bug!
He spreads his wings and begins to fly in front of me, blinking on and off
in his own rhythm, beckoning me to be the one to fly with him now. After
all, everyone else is sleeping and I have awakened him, the single glimmer
of light in the yard. But I am not his glow worm; he is my lightning bug, my
glimmer of light. Soon he gets bored with me and disappears into the night.
As night slowly moves towards a new day, I begin to cry. I cry for the end
of my sanctuary at the Ranch. I cry because I am back in the Valley of the
Shadow of Death. I cry for the pain I felt with my fellow warriors as we
explored the rocky terrain leading into their Valley of the Shadow of Death.
I cry for the death that looms in the future. I cry just because I need to
cry and get it all out. I sob my way into the morning as the last of my pain
fades away for now. The light of day begins to shine down upon me for the
second time since I first greeted a new day at the Ranch, so many miles
away, so many hours away, yet so close to my heart.
Completely spent from my travel and my turmoil, I wonder....Is there any
light for me in this new day? Yes! Resting under the eave on the western
side of my home, the robin's nest which had been so closely guarded by the
mother bird as she sat on her precious eggs before I left for the seminar
was now filled with precious baby robins, three of them, born a few days
earlier while I was away. I have found the meaning of the robin's egg!!!
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