To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/08/23 07:55
Subject: [K-list] I'm new and and need some guidance please.
From: Midnight2285
On 2002/08/23 07:55, Midnight2285 posted thus to the K-list:
Hi to everyone,
My name is Shari, I have been a member of this list now for several
weeks, every day I read the daily digest of all your posts but this
is my first time.
Please bear with me here, I havent posted before because I don't
really know where to start and as you read on you will see I'm quite
confused about this whole thing.
I am not sure if my Kundalini has awoken or not but I am certainly
searching high and low, reading everything in sight but seem to be
getting nowhere.
I will start back in February this year, I had a huge scare where I
was made to believe that there would be huge catacalysms due to
occur next May 2003 by a so called mysterious Planet X, my partner
had done alot of reading of Zachariah Sitchin which is based on
ancient texts which predicts major earth changes. He had also read
other information from different sources which moulded all this
together. The intensity that this information was given to me and
all the hours I spent over the next 2 weeks reading on the internet
scared the life out of me, I was terrified for my life, for my
children, for everyone. I set out to find information on why this
wouldnt occur which lead me to Scientific sites and then astronomy
message boards where I at least was able to see the other side of it
and why astronomers believed this wouldn't happen. Through that I
was lead to some sites with channeled messages, alot talking of
earth changes but in different ways. I have spent so much time
seeking information from spiritual sites over these months, day and
night searching for how to do what I feel I am supposed to do.
I have a huge need for information but the problem I think is that I
am jumping from one place to the other not knowing what to do and
getting more confused.
Since all this happened, I have had a continual ringing in my right
ear, after about 9 weeks it turned into a whooshing sound, similar I
suppose to a clothes dryer going round and round. I hear this noise
every day, sometimes the ringing, mainly the whooshing. After
reading some channelled messages about opening up to energy I have
had continual tingles and cold chills up my spine, I get alot of
pressure in my head which seems different to normal headaches that I
have always suffered with. I also had for about 8 weeks in the start
a continual lump in my throat, it felt like I couldn't swallow, that
something was in there although the specialist couldnt find
anything. I read some of the posts here about feeling of electricity
in the body, I havent felt anything like that yet but there is more
on an emotional level.
From what I can work out, I need to be clearing emotional baggage
from my past so that I can become a loving and at peace human being
in connection with goddess or source.
1. I dont know how to get rid of these things
2. Sometimes I dont know what needs to be cleared
3. How can you become this wonderful being of light when you deal
each day with the trials of life? Therefore feeling anger, fear etc
4. I dont know how to surrender these things.
5. I don't know what I should be doing full stop
6. I try to listen for an inner voice, but how do I know that it
isnt my over active mind popping in?
I feel that I have a huge block with doing anything I am supposed to
be doing because of my current relationship also.
My partner and I love each other very much although we have been
having problems for over 12 months, he has a personality disorder
called, narcissistic personality disorder( cerebral) If anyone at
all knows anything about this disorder you would understand that it
is incredibly difficult to be in a relationship with them and yet
incredibly difficult to get out of too. When my life is in emotional
turmoil every couple of days when issues occur with him, how can I
focus on letting it all go? Life has been hell with him of late, I
want the pain to stop,and have tried ending the relationship on many
occasions and yet he reels me back in as when its good its wonderful
but the opposite is true too. My head tells me this is not good,
maybe this is a lesson I am to learn? I dont understand yet.
Basically I have been searching for what alot of you have achieved,
I read your words and wish I was at your level of understanding and
I want to do all I can to spiritually develop but I am just unsure
what I should be doing.
I spent $500 au on some templates that are supposed to clear
negative emotions, it also has a tape for aligning the chakras,
although I find I get so engrossed in reading spiritual sites, books
etc ( I have 4 books on the go at the moment) that I have not had
the motivation to use the templates daily. Then I went and did a
course on Thought Field Therapy, it was wonderful, the process is
simple and works, although again, sometimes I dont know what needs
to be cleared to do it.
I am going to a weekly meditation group which is good but I dont
feel like anything is happening quickly enough. (Alot of times when
I go to the group, I develop chest pain which then goes through to
my back) it usually goes when I leave, very strange.) Am I being too
impatient? maybe this has all not started for me yet, but then if
not, why would I have this daily drive that keeps me at the computer
each day and night for hours searching for ways to connect to all
that is?
I feel very confused, my head spins around, some days I feel good
and others I feel very discouraged as if I will never reach the
level of understanding I desire.
I do apologise for the long post, I have been bursting inside to get
all this out and up until now haven't felt able to. But if you are
still here with me now, I thank you for reading my words and hope
that I may receive some words of advice on what I should be doing.
My Kindest Regards
Shari
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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