To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/06/30 10:39
Subject: Re: [K-list] Dark Night and Strange Compulsions
From: Lbra782595
On 2002/06/30 10:39, Lbra782595 posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Sabrina,
In a message dated 6/30/02 4:55:10 AM Central Daylight Time,
sabrinagouldATnospamnf.sympatico.ca writes:
> Should I be experiencing a twisted compulsion in my mind and just love it? I
> am terribly afraid that if i do that i will become psychotic and
> continually haunted by these strange impulses.
I will not be vain enough to tell you what you "should" do, but I will be
glad to share my own experience on this topic.
Sometime after K went active for me, I found my self drawn to these same
kinds of things. They seemed very psychotic to me. I was horribly
frightened of myself. The images in my mind were positively DEPRAVED. I was
suicidal over this for some time, unable to believe these images were coming
out of my own mind.
Some people may say "Oh, you had a entity attaching itself to you making
you think all these bad thoughts" Well, maybe..........but I tend to think
that sort of attitude is just a cop out, a way of avoiding responsability,
another way the ego keeps you from growing past the need for ego.
What I've learned in retrospect...especially since I've been on the K-list,
is that K is making you grow by making you take a long hard look at all the
ugliness inside yourself. It holds up a mirror and says "Are you aware that
this is inside you?" The problem then is not so much that it is inside you
but what to do with it. Suppressing it made it stronger in me. So the only
other avenue is acceptance. "What you resist, persists" So I just accepted
it as a natural part of myself. I don't act on it, but I recognize my right
to have such thoughts. After a little while of accepting these thoughts, it
didn't seem nearly as troublesome. I still get them from time to time, but I
can recognize them for what they are and just sort of say "Oh, it's just you
again. Yeah, I know you're there and it's okay, I won't forget about you
either." My episodes have been getting less and less frequent over the past
few years and hopefully one day they will stop altogether. My path for this
is acceptance, but this is a subjective concept, someone else may have better
plan.
>but aren't spiritual healing and psychological healing the same thing?
IMO no they are not. Pschology didn't really bring healing to me. I was in
therapy for about 3 years. It gave me techniques for dealing with the
symptoms effectively, but it did not get at the root cause. I was able to
sidetrack myself out of obsessing over it, but that did not make it go away
or even lesson the intensity of the anxiety when it struck.
Spiritual healing on the other hand is what I described above. The holostic
approach of integrating the unwanted mental abberations into their proper
role. I learned a lot about this in martial arts also. It occurs to me that
some of the things I was seeing were at least partially based on a feeling of
inadequate ability to defend myself. I. E. Fear. When I became more
self-confident, the intensity dropped a little.
>On a somehwat lighter note, does anyone think doing money magick is a good
idea?
Know that you live in a world of abundance. The only thing keeping you
separate from that is your belief to the contrary. If ritual helps you gain
this awareness then by all means use it. I have my own issues with abundance
so this is little hypocritical of me, but it is merely a rephrasing of the
teachings of others whom I respect deeply.
Love in each moment,
Jason B
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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