To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/06/29 02:54
Subject: [K-list] Dark Night and Strange Compulsions
From: Sabrina Gould
On 2002/06/29 02:54, Sabrina Gould posted thus to the K-list:
Greetings everyone,
I;m wwriting to see if anyone can give me some info on how to 'go into the light.' Does one first have to experience a dark night and face one's shadow? My life seems to have been one long dark night and I have never managed to see any light for more than a split second. Occasionally during meditation I feel like I was just outside the light but then i got excited and fell right back down to earth. Is there any way to stay in the light for a while? I feel like I may not make it through the dark night if i don't see some indication that the pain will be over or even go on hiatus for a bit. Also, I was wondering if part of the whole facing your shadow experience includes strange compulsions. If so, I know giving into them is not the best of things to do, at leat not in reality. But is one supposed to surrender to them mentally? Should I be experiencing a twisted compulsion in my mind and just love it? I am terribly afraid that if i do that i will become psychotic and continually haunted by these strange impulses. the thing is, i don't even feel like most of these compulsions are mine or what i want. most of them feel like an attack against me. i realize this may be my own kundalini forcing me to surrender to my shadow, but i have tried this before and it makes the thought form worse. it becomes an obsession and i can think of nothing else. which brings up guilt, paranoia and hysteria. i realize i may just sound crazy, but aren't spiritual healing and psychological healing the same thing? I realize i may have created these intrusive thoughts and so much darkness to force myself towards evolution, b/c i am normally such a lazy person. still, i would like to integrate things as safely as possible has anyone ever felt like they were seriously deranged because of the dark thoughts flooding the mind?
On a somehwat lighter note, does anyone think doing money magick is a good idea? If i am forcing myself to raise the kundalini, i seriusly doubt i can work. my fatigue level is astronimical, and coupled with severe arthritis. i can imagine how hard it'll be when the kriyas and convulsion begin! i mean, it's hard enough taking care of the body when k-process begins, let alone having to work in a room with hundres of ppl and their yucky chi! (I work at a call centre).so is doing money magic an ego-based activity and ultimately harmful? or is a good way to give oneself the freedom to evolve? I know being financially secure or independent might make one feel happy enough to try to resist kundalin, but i doubt it would work with me. i can't run away from my own thoughts and karmic baggage. believe me, i have tried and created more misery in the end. i don't think i can work during this dark night, not without some glimpses of light. are there ever any financially independent kundalites?
Anyway, these are some questions i would desperately love feedback for. I appreciate everyone listening.
sabrina
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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