To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/03/30 11:18
Subject: Re: [K-list] Language, talking to Leon
From: José H
On 2002/03/30 11:18, José H posted thus to the K-list:
One of the things I realised on my journey when going trough body and
movementtherapy, was that my experience of the world was frustrated long
before language came into my world. Which meant that as soon as I started
talking, things were distorted already, I tried to adjust, must have felt
guilt and shame mostly, and was not able anymore to learn how to express my
own emotions in an open way. When I found out, I was crying for not having
any
language to express the feelings that were coming up then. They were
oppressed long before I turned 2 years old, I must have
learned to watch out what I was doing and keep real feelings inside by that
time.
Slowly slowly, I am catching up. My partner was severly frustrated in
his feelings after being able to talk, when he was around 5, 6 years old.
Now, it
gives him the opportunity to at least express and recognize some of the
feelings
better than I do - allthough I pick up his feelings much faster and often
mirror his projections and conflicts. I can help him with that, he in turn
helps me
to let my feelings be, even if I can't find the words.
Now I look at my child every day in amazement, nearly 5 weeks old. I see a
thousands things. When he was born, a full moon early, in breech, the first
few days there was no communication, no intention anyway. There was a lot of
expression in him that I could see, expressing every feeling, discomfort,
but mostly still struggling to breath, eat, live. We were in hospital and
were not able to be with him every minute - allthough we broke hospital
rules to stay with him the first night, my partner keeping him on his belly
with all of his wires attached. But as soon as we were home, we left the
rigid hospital-eating schedule and let Leon decide when he needed food from
my breasts.
From then on it was easier to make contact and get to know him well. He was
so full of expression, expressing every feeling inside with all of his body.
Only after a few days at home, I felt that he really started to communicate
with intention: seeing me close to him, making sounds and crying in
different ways, calling me somehow to get rid of his discomfort.
I realized I felt like being in China and meeting an enlightened master -
that I can nevertheless not understand because he doesn't speak my language.
Here is a full and perfect human being, with no limitations, full of
expression - but not speaking a word that I can understand, not even a
gesture that is familiar to me. I would have to learn to speak and
understand his language, read his bodylanguage and understand his different
sounds. Being used to decipher people's bodylanguage, I thought it would be
easy to me. But No! I am so used to see all of the blocks in peoples bodies,
all of their postures that push away certain feelings and feel what's
underneath.
But I wasn't used to a human being with none of these mechanisms! Just pure
feeling, comfort, discomfort and 100% pure expression. No shields, no
mechanisms, nothing.
Just my eyes, my voice and my touch to communicate to him and let him know I
am here. And nothing else to do than taking care of his needs, and keep
watching ourselves for the mechanisms that are in us, the ones we don't want
our child to pick up - my grandmother in me who succesfully blocked out my
feelings.
There is SO much communication, it would be so easy to mess him up before he
can talk, I can see how that happens - easily. He picks up every intention
of us, in our body language, voice, way of touching him, our presence and
energyfields.
He is a sensitive and old soul - his hands tell me. Lot of spiritual
development behind him already.
What else can I do than learn, be there, most of all: love him?
love, Jose
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/kindex.htm
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