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To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/03/28 14:58
Subject: [K-list] Love
From: isis robins-shaw

On 2002/03/28 14:58, isis robins-shaw posted thus to the K-list:

I'm being reminded over and over that love does not always manifest the way I would hope. I keep having this nagging realization that I need to leave my husband and it breaks my heart because as I pull away and try on possibility, he attempts to do more and more to accomodate me. I don't think he could do anymore at this point. I have the freedom to be with other people, I have a seperate room in our house for my creative endeavors, and I have an amazing man (my husband) who loves me and would do anything to keep me as his partner. I still feel however that I can't grow in the ways I need to when he is energetically clutching at me. I feel a tremendous pull to be on my own and open myself to experience and life. I feel like since I have been with him I have shut myself down to a lot of that. I also feel like I have been waiting for him to catch up to me. (I don't mean this in an arrogant way. He feels it too. I am quite a bit younger then him and was born into the world with awarenesses that he has waited forty years to recieve.) I tend to move faster then him and I am open and ready for more then he is willing to play with. I feel unsatisfied with his inability to meet me where I am.
I wonder about the love of Kali (a destroyer and creator goddess) and feel like somehow I have agreed to play this role in our union. However, I am so reluctant to let go. I feel two faced waiting for the right time for me to let go while he feels me withdraw.
I feel two faced telling him that I love him when I am thinking of what I will do when I leave. The truth is that I do love him with all my heart. I guess love just isn't looking the way I planned.
Aaargh, what a journey.

Isis


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