To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/02/18 09:12
Subject: [K-list] crystallization
From: Mia
On 2002/02/18 09:12, Mia posted thus to the K-list:
Hi everybody,
i just want to share what is going on in my personal spiri lab
perhaps somebody can use some of it.
people are like onions...... layers and layers of ego, collective layers of memories......layers of times and space.....
identifications to create a " person"..... like the ice cube in a glass of water thinks it's something " separate".....
being born with a not-closed- personality ..... an ego structure which is already broken open like an egg shell before the chicken comes out, makes " normal" functioning difficult.......
the "I" and the " not-I" gets mixed up constantly. What is " me", " mine" ? Separation makes no sense, doesn't really exist......
the identifications are dissolving.........time and space are dissolving....... structures of " life" and " past" and " future" are not valid.
I can identify other parts of my soul that are incarnated somewhere else.....different time.........different space......the biggest part of " my" soul isn't incarnated at all...... would never fit into a " body" like this.......
but nevertheless what do i do with this little incarnation down here?
Most of my life i was more or less suffering from not being able to function in a normal way, not being able to fit in, not being able to do and enjoy what other people do and enjoy........
the protection of the ego structure is not firm enough any longer...... falls off like old rags more and more....
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What sense does it make to get rid of the own ego structures only to get overwhelmed by other people's ?
What does it mean? Where is the next step?
Mystress said in one of her postings during the last weeks something to the effect of: ( sorry, i'm only quoting from memory) I'm so full of the Divine, that nothing can touch me".
If the " ego" isn't the structure any longer, what is building the " I" that is " full" of something?
If there is nothing, it's not possible that " something" is " full" of something.........
Or is the " ego" - like the body" a tool and the only difference is the identification?
We need a body to travel through this incarnation and probably we also need an ego.
It's a tool. The only thing that is changing is the way you are using it.
First we learn, we are not our bodies - but the body still exists afterwards.
Then we learn, we are not our personalities/ego.......but it still exists.........
only the identification dissolves.......
the problem is not the ego as a tool, but the identification with this tool, because the identification is limitation.
so far so good.
My problem with getting overwhelmed is diminishing.........
but i'm still much too much focused on ego stuff......
because otherwise it wouldn't touch me, right?
I feel like somebody who is busy cleaning inside her own house, but the wind is constantly blowing the sand and the dirt from outside, from others into the house.......
the divine wind blowing inside your own house has to be stronger than the wind coming in from outside, yes?
And this is in a way what is happening more and more.
People around me, people i'm in close contact with, can be sad or unhappy or in trouble or even desperate and i'm still smiling and calm.
Some years ago i was feeling all the pain and all the feelings and thoughts of everybody around me.
It's not like that any longer. And i don't want it any more!
In the past i was proud of my psychic abilities and of having " no skin".
Now i see all the emotional turmoil around me, all the attachments and people even try to pull me into it, but i refuse.
Some months ago i had a great victory. A close friend of mine tried to manipulate me into a kind of relationship i didn't want to have.
I told her no, but i stayed in this calm and gentle love energy that i felt for her. She started attacking me, provoking me, trying to get me into whatever emotional struggle she could come up with. I told her, she can do and try and feel and experience whatever she feels like doing, but i prefer staying right where i was, right in this clear and gentle love. I told her, i don't want to be anywhere else, not with her, not with anybody else, so why should i go there?
In the past i wouldn't have been able to do that. In the past i would have been overwhelmed by this person's energy. Her/his energy would have come into my empty house and i would have felt violated and raped and occupied and it would have felt as if i need to vomit and take a shower inside.
Yesterday my inner teachers suggested to focus more on the divine core of other people instead of dealing with their ego stuff.
I was told, that i in a way misinterpret my mystic goal. I feel i want to be ONE and i don't want to be separated and what i mainly did was become one with everybody's ego instead of with everybody's divine core...........
does this make sense? It felt very important to me yesterday and it seems to change something, but it' s too new to me to really analyze its meaning.....
love to all
mia
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