To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/02/04 19:08
Subject: Re: [K-list] Paying for that first kiss
From: Magdalene Meretrix

At 02:39 PM 2/4/02 EST, Train5potterATnospamaol.com wrote:
>you got a girlfriend and have to go to strangers for a hug? that sucks... :(

Unfortunately, that experience is not so uncommon. I saw similar examples
every day that I worked as a prostitute. So many clients came to see me,
not because they were single and had no outlet for sexual energy or even
because their partner wasn't willing to do something kinky that they liked,
but because they were craving intimacy and acceptance that they didn't feel
that they were getting at home.

In some ways, it's easier for many people to open up to a stranger. There's
no baggage of past arguments hanging in the air, there's no debate over
whose turn it was to take the trash out today, there's no build-up of
expectations based on past experiences. The slate is clean and it is a
fresh beginning.

I saw so many people who were emotionally wounded from a relationship where
there was still love and a desire to stay together but no passion, no
intimacy, no trust. It's given me a strong curiosity to know where that
pattern comes from, why so many people end up effortlessly falling into
that pattern and what can be done to keep a relationship alive and vital. I
don't have any answers yet, but I'm always looking for them and open to any
suggestions, both spiritually oriented and more mundane.

I don't believe the fire *must* eventually go out of every relationship. I
think we are conditioned to believe that a mature love with be quiet and no
longer exciting and new, but I think that there must be ways to keep things
new (other than the "soap opera dram" pattern that so many relationships
fall into. I think the soap opera pattern is a form of rebelling against
the relationship stagnation that seems all-too-inevitable.)

The saddest thing I've watched is relationships that start out with the
couple liking, loving and being in love with each other. Then "in love"
drops out of the picture and later "like" falls out of the picture and
without those two, "love" gets strangled so that what's left is addiction
and habit between two people who despise each other but can't bear to part.

When our society treats this as a natural and normal occurence, it's the
society that's ill. In an ill society, individuals who wish to be healthy
have to expend effort to stay healthy because they are swimming against the
stream. I'd like to learn how to swim better and maybe even well enough to
help other people improve their backstroke.

Agape,
M
--
http://www.magdalenemeretrix.com

"Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something."
-- Henry David Thoreau

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