To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/01/04 16:18
Subject: [K-list] Some more snippets from the past
From: Druout
On 2002/01/04 16:18, Druout posted thus to the K-list:
Dear List,
Here are some more snippets from the past.
Love, Hillary
12 Nov 1998
>I feel so all alone, empty, and on the verge of despair. But I don't
>want to fall in the pit so I'm doing what I can. I'm afraid of what will be
>if Ifall into the hole. Will I become mad? Will I plunge into that despair
>that I sense? Is there any other way out of this place?
I just feel lacking in answers and understanding....
*************
I know this one.
The VOID.
oohhh yuck. When I am in it I can't see it, all I see is useless
existance.
When I am on the edge, I am scared shitless!!!
When I am seeing it from a nice comphy chair in retrospect.... or as it
swallows up somebody else I can see it for what it is....
an opportunity to Manifest......
What do you want? What do you desire to fill that big ol nasty hole with.
the Thought creates fertile ground for manifestations.... and desire
draws to you what you need to fullfill them.
Keeping buzy is good, you can just wait for the hole to fill up... and it
will, it always will but the void gives you lots of room for fresh new
stuff.... seems if your in the void already and that hole is dark and
empty ... that now would be an exellent time to start sorting out what
you would like to fill it up with. (After all you've done these last
number of months -and years- you should have a real good idea of what you
dont want to fill it up with....)
daydream.
It really works.
Sometimes I create voids cause there is too much guck hanging around, I
set the guck on the sideburner, it takes care of itself, most of the time
anyway, and the void fills with new stuff.
Its like winning a shopping spree..... your cart is empty- right now....
but the whole of the universe is opening its doors, today, go fill it
up!!! -go for the good stuff! dont fill your cart with cheap
imitations..... your using gods plastic, his credit is good, and his
account is limitless.
l
*************
> How do I handle the intense fear, anxiety and grief that I have---so
>much so, that I can't sleep-- and the little that I do, I wake up wrenching?
I feel
>so heavy, sad and disassociated. No appetite or energy and extreme emotional
> swings. I'm afraid of having a major psychological breakdown form the
stress or a heart attack.
**********
You will not die. Suffering is the hardest and steepest path. People here
will pray for you. DID YOU HEAR THAT! Work to be done! You will start to
feel better. Give it time. Take a megavitamin and try to eat. Try some form
of exercise (you must burnt out the toxic material you are producing) NOT
YOGA. Running, dancing or walking briskly. Listen to Music. The cause is
within you. Teaching you. Accept it. Befriend it.
Here is a tool:
Say to your fear, anxiety etc AND anything else that may be listening, "You
are my master. I surrender. Please Help me." Put the emphasis on 'please
help me'. Use the intensity of the fear and anxiety to formulate the
question as often and as much as you can.
Everything is as it should be. Already you are on the route to recovery.
****************
> We find then ourselves empty,
> with no interface to talk from one plane to the other. Crystallization. A
> zombie walking in this world the top of the head open. Still walking but
> half there. Until new path are cleansed to allow a stronger flow from one
> plane to the other.
What a cool description! I think that's what happens within the void for me.
It's
like I can't function in the world because something is undergoing a shift at
a
different level. Until that shift connects with the me on the physical plane,
I'm
out to lunch. Can't concentrate. Feel surprisingly distant.
Do you suppose these shifts are allowing us to carry more and more of our
spirit
with us in body? Maybe at first our bodies have a difficult time handling more
soul. I know when I lift weights that you have to sometimes push yourself to
handle more than you have previously so you can become stronger. Maybe that's
the
way it is with this. You get more spirit and then your body goes through some
soreness and then adjusts.
In terms of semantics...I prefer non-attachment. Detached sounds like one is
aloof or uncaring. Non-attachment has you still interacting but not attached
to
the results.
> As it goes, emotions go deeper. It may also be another process explaining
> this crystallization of forces, if the flow of emotions is not strong
> enough to accept this deeper and deeper emotions we come to fell. Than the
> flow blocks for a while, like a river when ice starts to melt in spring, to
> protect you from nuclear combustion.
Another good image. But do these states really bring deeper emotions? What do
you
mean by deeper emotions?
*********************
> It's a dark night indeed and the pain is fierce -- don't know where
> this stuff is coming from; it's either real early in my life or some
> other time. I'd be grateful for a few prayers. Many, many thanks,
***********
Not quite sure what you are facing, but it reminds me of the abyss. That
deep, dark hole we try to avoid because if we immerse ourselves in it,
we're not sure if we can ever return.
When I saw the pit, I was afraid...but curious too! There was something
that drew me right to its edge. Fortunately, I had some friends who held
my hand and gave me the courage to jump in.
What I discovered was that the pit was my gunk. Everything that I had
feared, everyone I had hated, all my petty grievances were all there. It
was hard to move through it. The only way out was to embrace the horrid,
black tar and provide it with love. That stuff was not outside of me; it
was me.
...it was such a wonderful, cleansing experience. After having gone
through it, all the fear and pain were forgotten. That sense of love at
times gets blocked, but the experience has changed me so profoundly that I
can't long stay away from the love.
If this is what you are going through, know that it will be wonderful. And
if you need a friend to hold you hand while you jump into the abyss, I'm
here.
Much love to you,
***********
From the Zohar: Tetzaveh P184
Happiness and Trust in G-d
Come and see: The Lower World exist to receive constantly
and it is called a Good Stone and the Upper world doesn't
give to it except according to how it exists. If he exists
with a lighted face (happily) below, according to that,
they send him light from above. and if he exists in
melancholy, they send him judgments because of it. It says
like that in Tehillim (Psalms) "serve the Lord with
happiness" and the happiness of the person below brings
down upon him another Upper Happiness
What the above means is that a person should try to be happy anyhow and
trust in G-d. And then they will send him/her happiness from upstairs.
This of course is a hard thing to do but it works.
*********
Date: 8/19/99 8:40:21 AM Pacific Daylight Time
Beautiful Response Mystress Serpent:
Yes, it is in the deep black velvet void, like the collection of stars pulled
to the Dark Star, which becomes a Black Hole, and then bursts into the new
creation of Light. It is allowing oneself to sink into the Abyss, clearing
deeply, like Isis gathering all her pieces unto herself. This Summer was
very much of that sort of energy moving into the Solar Eclipse. Black and
Gold.
On the blurred vision, this is strengthening of Third Eye, clearing, when
finished clearing the sight opens and if one stands in the black night the
stars will have colors of great beauty. This can take a few weeks to a few
lifetimes, it is just a part of the journey.
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