To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/12/17 10:58
Subject: [K-list] What to do when you cannot ignore it?
From: Butler, Maura <NHTSA>

I read in Emily's post about her blissful experiences: "I had read in countles
s books warnings about seeking psychic phenomena. They might happen, will prob
ably happen, and it's best to observe them neutrally and not pay too much atte
ntion to them lest one get trapped by them and stop their personal growth."

I have also been trained not to put too much attention on psychic phenomena, a
nd for the past four years, that has worked well. Maybe too well. I ignored su
ch experiences to the extent that I think it was practically a state of denial
. The experiences I did have were brief, and neutral, or positive. I paid litt
le attention to them.

I recently had a horrific K experience with all sorts of astral components tha
t I could not ignore: they literally took over my life 24 hours day for three
weeks. It rendered me pretty much insane and non-functional. Unfortunately I w
as studying at a spiritual school that downplays and minimalizes psychic esper
ience, so I was not at all ready for being plunged into them, beyond my contro
l, and had not read books preparing me for them.

The vast majority of these experiences were dreadful and filled with terror -
like repeatedly being raped by astral entities. (If you are not sure how a phy
sical person can be raped by an astral entity, just take my word for it for no
w.) I eventually wound up afraid to go to sleep, or getting drunk before I wen
t to bed, so that I would unconscious through it. Sometimes I apparently did n
ot drink enough, because I would wake up to it anyway.

I have not been raped in real life, so it is hard for me to see these experien
ces as flashbacks from my regular life. Some people have told me to regard the
m as fantasy, but to do that I would have to redefine the word fantasy. I woul
d have to call it nightmare-fulfillment, not wish-fuflfillment. I was awake wi
th my eyes open at the time, and I did not experience control over any of the
experiences I had during the three weeks. When I chose to create fantasies in
my normal life, I create ones I find much nicer! In any case, the physical, me
ntal, and emotional effects at the time and afterwards were very real.

So now I am stuck trying to understand if the astral is really just a manifest
ation of my mind, or if it has a reality of its own or not, and in either case
 - how to deal with it if it pops up again. I am also afraid to resume my spir
itual practices (meditation), which seem to have set the whole thing off. I am
 also hesitant to go back to the school of spirituality I was attending, since
 it has been little or no help so far in preventing or understanding or dealin
g with these things. They pretty much take the "ignore it; don't talk about it
" approach. Does anyone have any relevant experience, insight, etc? Thank you.
   
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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