To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/09/30 07:53
Subject: Re: [K-list] My own enemy....
From: siska
On 2001/09/30 07:53, siska posted thus to the K-list:
Sean - hang on in there. There's no light without darkness - maybe some
experience it more dramatically than others. I've been to dark, terrible,
terrifying places - not for months, but years in total- but ALWAYS I had the
sense I was being guided and protected - and ALWAYS I have emerged the other
side the better for it. Keep trusting even if it has to be blind trust.
Don't be too hard on yourself or too impatient. Don't try to run before you
can walk! You are at/near the start (am I right on this??) of a life-long
process. Many many times in the future you're likely to say the things
you're saying now. It's takes years for things to gradually clarify, make
sense, come together, but the rewards believe me are immense and more than
make up for all the hassle. And you don't have to wait all those years for
them to start coming to you. Remember this is a gradual process - piece by
piece, slowly slowly your new sense of being will unfold. It's a never
ending adventure, if at times a bloody awful one.
I get the impression you're on 'The Path of Fire' as the Sufi's call it.
Growth that is fast track and dramatic/traumatic rather than slowergentler
and more gradual. IF THIS YOUR WAY, THEN GOD/DESS HAS MADE IT SO BECAUSE
S/HE KNOWS YOU'RE STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE IT. Don't lose sight of that. It
really does feel like it's one thing on top of another - never any let up,
never any rest...you feel really really picked on, and life's unfair, shit
etc. and you're all alone and misunderstood. I know - been there, done
that - still doing that at times - but it DOES GET BETTER. What I actually
find is the more evolved/stronger I become, the more actually gets hurled at
me - stuff that would have destroyed me during earlier stages, but it's like
the stronger you get, the more you can take, and the less ultimately it's
impact has becuase you find that as you progress, you integrate stuff
faster and more effeciently. You have a much stronger foundation and base
from which to operate. Hope this makes sense. (I'm more street than
ethereal in the way I communicate!)
When things get black and you lose your way - accept it, don't fight it.
Preserve your resources, relax and TRUST BLIND. It works - it'll get you
through.
If things get really really overwhelming and you feel depression/suicidal,
anything along those lines - SEEK HELP. DOCTOR, ANYONE - doesn't matter
who. Just speak out.
Sean, if you ever want to e-mail me, feel free. I don't pretend to
understand all you're experiencing, but I feel your anguish and confusion
and it reminds me so much of how things were for me. Note I use the past
tense.
Be strong, have faith.
siska.
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