To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/09/09 17:58
Subject: [K-list] Ramblings, musings, knowledge, no more thinking..
From: Unit1021
On 2001/09/09 17:58, Unit1021 posted thus to the K-list:
Hello everyone,
Taking a break from all of this, or trying to now. Just going to
ramble about my experiences for a bit. Maybe this means something to
you.
Recently I've just hooked up with all of you here and I've talked
with Mystress Angelique about stuff and things have been...
different. They seem to be getting differenter. I've been learning at
a tremendious rate. The more I learn the more is open to me to learn
more about. But its strange.... I feel like my brain is reforming
itself to hold more info.
Things happen like this....
I turn on the T.V. .. There is this guy Joe Cambell talking about
something...what do I care.. but I watch for a bit anyways... WOW he
just explained something I've had thoughts about inside of me for
years! Whoa he just explained everything... I'm cool with that what
a revelation!
I walk into the library for I dont know what... walk right around
the movie shelf and BAM there is a bunch of tapes of Joe Cambells. I
learn lots and lots and lots. This is kinda strange.... Lots of new
and good info.. But its making my thoughts expand a lot.
I talk with some people about things. They give me a book. It has
more answers to questions I've had but never known about but is vital
that I know. They introduce me to more people that can do different
things spiritualy. I learn lots more! Things are getting hard to
think about. Realisations are unfolding in packs of 10's in my head.
What was unreal is now common for me, I learn of more things.
I pick up a magazine at random, it has vital info for me regarding
intuition and the whole process that I've wanted to know about.
Strange.... Next day same thing happens again. Brain expands 20x.
I have a journal that I write in all the time asking questions and
writing down everything trying to figure out everything. Lately I
have been answering my own questions as soon as I write them. My
unconcious is comming out?
Issues that I had in the past are now unraveling themselves so I can
see them, understand them, fix them, get past them, let them go. They
come at random times.
I've discovered some amaizing things about empathy by just lying
around on a bench. BAM! I got info that changed everything! New
thoughts and understandings. Things fal into place.
By this time my brain is going nuts just trying to see what has
changed in me and catch up with my new realisations that are comming
non stop now.
I find another tape of Joe Cambells that jumps out at me... Guess
what its about? Kundalini yoga.. He starts talking about the bottom
chakra says a few things about it all. About 100 things in me unravel
right there. I understand 50x than what I did 2 minutes ago.
My brain is at capacity. I stop the tape. Go outside. I tell Godess
to just leave me alone and let me process this stuff I have. I feel
like my brain is re-wiring or allowing more info to go through it.
But It cant take much more. Everywhere I turn there is info for me.
New and exactly what I need to know. Its like I am being taught...
Shown what I need to know. A lifetime of info, but all at once!
This all happened in under 2 weeks. I'm not doing the journal
anymore as it keeps giving me more info that I cant handle and is way
beyond anything now.. Spinning wheels of the universe, reality that
is not. All sorts of things. I'm ignoring all new info and just
trying to think of earth things now.
Anyways, with this new knowledge I can "connect up" my term.. to
Godess a lot better now. Before I could feel a bar of energy going
through me. And I could tell when I got it right. I could feel the
presence. But now, just today even. With all this new knowledge I
grounded out and connected up and zzzzzzzz I got this strange
feeling of ... uhhh .. soft whiteness going all through me. A really
nice soft energy. But much much stronger than before And I was
uhhh ..not really concerned about much at all. And I felt pretty
good. I just stood there for a bit and kept saying "whoa" over and
over. This was new to me...
Sometimes I can "see/feel/sense" Goddess.?? This is what I do, sense
things. Lately I can feel bright energies around me. I get very very
very very depressed about me. I hate living. I dont want to live. But
now whenever I start to get depressed about things now. I start
getting happy. And I know its not me. I usualy drop into depression
like crazy. Its like I am being protected now. It wont let me drop. I
start feeling good again. No matter what happens. Sometimes I can
almost hear a woman talking to me saying nice things. I cant
understand what she is saying, but I feel so much better about things.
Usually I always feel like I have a gun to my head. If I close my
eyes I can see it. Its always there. Every step I take there are
always guns at my head. Its hard being a sensitive in my situation.
Most times I imagine pulling the trigger and watch me fall. But now
they are going away.... Less every day. And now I have only one...
mine. Its an unconcious thing now. I feel horrable, I imagine putting
it to my head... The gun goes spinning across the floor! What? This
is my imagination! I didnt want that to happen! I felt that it was
kicked out of my hands.. I sense/look behind me.. and there is this
girl with this mischevious smile on her face with brightly glowing
clothes. WHOA! No more gun.... gone. I'm shocked. Im happy/stunned.
Wha.... ?? This never ever happened to me before. Different things
happen like this too now. I can't see them. But I feel them, things
changing around me, changing me. These things I "see"
So with my knowledge that a name for Godess or God is the last step
to realising the energy or power behind it. Its the name that keeps
us apart. And with my new ever expanding brain. I grounded out and
connected up again. Got the same nice white energy feeling, and "saw"
goddess? Felt the energy? Then I wanted to see beyond, lose the name,
lose the idea of God/ess and just feel it. A hand opens, an eye
opens. An image becomes transparant. I am in space. A space?, there
is an inteligent sun shining with tremendious energy. The energy in
me rushes to way over what I have ever felt before. It goes right
through me like a massive power stream. The only thing i can think of
is "Wow I'm glad I grounded out before this or I'd be bouncing around
all over the floor by now." I'm not afraind. Its kinda cool. Ok, this
is enough of this.. Time to go. Its like I am stuck to the spot.
After a few seconds I can move again. Yes its strange. I feel a lot
better now though. I know now too that you can get closer to goddess
by increasing your knowlege of everything. I guess there are
different levels of getting close too.
So now I am on a Spiritual strike. NO MORE STUFF! NO MORE STUFF! I
need a break. Its too confusing.
So... is this common stuff for you guys? I tell myself that I am not
well and this is the result. But then I get back that I am now slowly
going un-insane and resolving everything about me so I can do things
right.
I wanted to talk to somone else about this. But Every councilor
doesnt have a clue about me. Even if they know, they tend to be new
age types. "Surround yourself with white light" I want to talk to a
yoga teacher about this, but I dont know who to talk to. Or what
type. No kundalini yoga schools that I know of here. Besides, they
will think I'm nuts. Maybe I am though...no Im not.. << Hah, that was
typed through me... ugh... Thats a whole new story in itself.
I have rambled enough.
Thanks
Sean
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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