To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/08/19 23:59
Subject: [K-list] epilepsy and K experience
From: Anne North
On 2001/08/19 23:59, Anne North posted thus to the K-list:
Hello to all on the list
my apologies to the person who answered my letter, due to my lack of
experience I managed to delete the e-mail before remembering the name! I
must admit that I am slightly reluctant to discuss my past experiences due
to reactions from other people and a past Neurologist.
But here goes anyway...
Although my epilepsy started during my late youth, I knew when I was a child
that I was "different". I was a sick child and I was always falling over and
getting bumps on the head. I can remember seeing colours around peoples
heads (I can still see auras if I concentrate) and I can also remember
knowing the morality of people before I got to know them, not anything
complex, just knowing if they were good or bad.I was always a spiritual and
visual person, although my parents are not. Most of my experiences have been
profoundly visual.
One visual K experiencewas the heart Cha blossoming into a rose which
enveloped itself and multiplied over and over like a two celled creature
under a microscope. The experience was almost geometric, I understood how
the Cha grew on a "seed" level, The feeling I had was that the geometric
pattern had become in love with itself and the love needed to reproduce (I'm
not sure if you will understand what I mean). During my years at
Uni,(Bachelor in Fine Arts and Religious Education - I feel like I am
writing a resume!!), I started to realise I had other 'gifts'. I would sit
in front of people and unfocus my eyes, tears would start to flow and I
would start to 'see' other faces over the normal one. Any ideas?
Although these experiences sound nice, most are not. I have had many OBE
that have left me exhausted and scared.All have happened when I have been
asleep, this is also when I have the most epileptic activity, I realise I am
conscious in my room and at first I think I am awake. I try to move my arms,
I 'see' them moving, but then moments after I realise that I have not moved
them at all. I struggle for some time in my 'coma' body. It feels as though
about 15 mins go by but I cant be sure. While I am having this experience
the concept of time goes out the window.I will be trying to move my arm ,
going through certain motions and arm flexes, then time will seem to 'flip'
and I will have the same experience again. If you are thinking that this is
wonderful and sci-fi it is NOT. Some of the most horrible feelings I have
felt was under OBE. After trying to move with no warning I will be out of
body. Normally I walk around the room as normal, I don't 'float' on the
ceiling as most OBE's do. Sometimes the furniture is in different positions,
it is for this reason I am quite willing to listen to people who think I am
just having a hallucination, why would the furniture be different? I spend
most of my time being worried about how I will get back into my body (waking
up is just as difficult) my normal interest in other realms is eaten by
fear. I also try to hide from other 'things' that seem to dwell in this
realm. Once I tried to hide under the bed to escape 3 'monks' complete in
Franciscan robes! They totally ignored me.
After writing all this I would like to say that I would not want to live
without these experiences. I consider my epilepsy to be a gift that allows
me to experience other realms and I don't feel I would have my love for
spiritual experience without it.
Thanks for listening
Dishpan
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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