To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/07/30 13:45
Subject: Re: [K-list] shamanic initiation
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2001/07/30 13:45, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 03:44 AM 7/30/01, SerenasblissATnospamaol.com wrote:
>I would appreciate a list for shamans; I identify
>strongly with what Mystress shared.
I may create it... but I cannot really think of a reason to create a
separate list.
>I never used the term "shaman" in sorting out what
>was happening to me, I used the term "artist". Not all artists are shamans
>of course, because there are many purposes in artmaking. But artmaking
>is one contemporary path for shamans to take.
Hmm.. I think "contemporary" and "Shamans" is kind of an oxymoron..
Shamanism is the most ancient of spiritual forms. Contemporary new age
folks want to make it into something different than what it is... as you
are trying to do, in this post.
If you identify with the term artist better, then use that term.
Reading your post, I do not get the sense that you are a Shaman.. I could
be mistaken. I think Aphrodite would prefer the term "Priestess."
>The only thing that I ever felt would justify
Hmm.. ego needs to justify. What is it if you give up needing to
justify it?
|> I shouldn't be fighting Her. What she has
>asked of me has been very difficult.
What has she asked of you?
>And lately I am being asked by Her to give up needing to "see", and let
>her work through me while my eyes are shut. Sigh.
>
>I've had nightmares about going blind.
>Do I believe She'd take my eyes, if I fought her on this issue
>of not-seeing? Yep. I do.
It is not about that. It is about giving up your egos need of reasons in
favor of the leaps of blind faith that are where the real power lies. As I
have mentioned in a few posts lately, ego needing reasons and stories can
really bog down work that can go smooth and effortless otherwise. The
highest level insights cannot be distilled into words, they just ARE..
limiting yourself to what can be explained and expressed in words is
limiting yourself a lot. As I was told long ago, "Surrender your eyes, they
only see what you want them to see." Give your eyes to Goddess, and then
they are Hers, and you will see the world as She sees it. Perfection,
beauty, love..
>I mentioned what I got above. All that illness is still there for me,
>waiting for me, if I bail on this process of becoming what She wants
>me to be.
Yes, that is not the same as shamanic sickness. The Shamanic sickness
passes and never returns.. it is not held over your head like a blackmail
threat.
I think your illness is simply a physical weakness that shows up if
your immune system is compromised by resistance. I have the same thing with
my smoking.. so long as my energy is clear, the smoke does not harm me, but
if I get some blockages then I get a smokers cough.
>Interrogation? I think Aphrodite as she often does in my life
>broke the hardest news to me through someone
>incarnate.
Again, not the same thing. Shamanic interrogation comes directly
through spirit, no middleman.
I wonder why you are wanting to re-interpret your experiences to make
them match a label that does not fit? Trying to whittle your square peg
into a round hole? This puzzles me.. you did not identify with the term
Shaman before, and now you are trying to adapt your experiences to fit into
the paradigm I described as Shamanism. Why?
It reminds me of a hypochondriac that believes they have any illness
they read about. I suspect this is a pattern that shows up elsewhere in
your life. Trying to fit your uniqueness into a label. A pigeonhole.. Why?
You are not a pigeon.. :)
>My grandmother mentions this interrogation from time to time,
>most recently just after my grandfather's funeral. She had been afraid for me,
>she told me, because she knew what he was going to do. He had
>been planning it, and he mentioned it to her.
>
>I got sick with the earliest arthritis symptoms not long after, exhaustion
>and episodes of acute pain in the sacral area
>(this became the block Mystress helped me with).
So.. the same thing comes up again, your Grandfather asking you for a
label, and your providing him with one that your parents had given you. You
knew it did not fit..
> I felt like such a freak,
>I couldn't bear to go back to the meetings.
Well, this is the pattern that sparks your arthritis, and why it is
located at the sacrum, the tribal chakra. You have all these issues of
fitting in or not fitting in with the tribe, feeling like a freak, and
trying to find some label that will be a key to some kind of acceptance. It
never works, does it? You have to serve Goddess and have none before Her,
and She wants you to celebrate your uniqueness that is her gift to you..
and you keep resisting, that, serving what you think other people want you
to be, instead. Making their approval more important than hers. Why?
>Aphrodite told me I didn't get to have a teacher. I really hated this; I
>did so much stuff alone, except for Her.
She is trying to break you of this same pattern.. server Her and have
none before her. When you do, you will truly be fulfilled.
I know this, I have been there.. classic "ugly duckling" story, a
natural Witch born into a family and society of Christians. I spent half my
life trying to mold myself into something that would fit in, and get
acceptance and approval.. finally fulfillment came through exploring my
freakishness, celebrating it as a gift of uniqueness.
Blessings.
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