To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/07/16 20:04
Subject: [K-list] Here's a better format of previous e-mail
From: Tracym

This may be a bit of a backward example, but here goes:

Recently, someone (who shall remain nameless) judged me, and
I reacted. I did not accept the judgement because it did not
resonate within my own awareness, and that is the only way
being judged could be meaningful. I reacted because I felt the
judgement came quickly and cheaply, and that it was wrong.

Here's the twist, though - just before this happened, this same
person was the catalyst for a realization, and it was my boyfriend,
my beloved boyfriend, who knocked me over the head with the
realization. So, then I knew why I could never ever again, ever
see myself as a victim (yeah I had seen myself as one). No, it was
far far worse, because now I have to face my own chaos, and that
is a far harder thing to do than having to get over feeling sorry for
yourself, or trying to get others to do so, which is how I was judged.
God, it would have been soooo much easier, because then I could
still have seen myself as the "good guy".

I had to understand then, the reason I chose certain situations was
because of *my* corresponding chaos. I cannot in any way see
myself as an innocent, because now I know what it was that drew
me. I know it from my life.......the first time I came out a victim,
but the second time (the second time it was just a yoga class not a
cult), there were no "predators" or "victims" at all, only chaos.
I was warned that time, by credible sources; I knew about the chaos,
and still I went to it. How I will resolve that is another matter.

So. I think that people's emotional reactions to our judgements
of them is not always the simple, reliable yardstick it would seem
to be.

Tracy

http://www.kundalini-gateway.org

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