To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/05/13 21:18
Subject: [K-list] Cat's Catlin
From: Cleocatras
On 2001/05/13 21:18, Cleocatras posted thus to the K-list:
My son Catlin is chronologically age 12, academically 2nd year college,
developmentally age 7. Catlin isnt reflecting my irritation, he considers it
an achievement to be irritating. The essay he needed to apply for a
scholarship asked him to list and write about his positive attributes and it
took two days to convince him that being annoying should not be the very
first on that list. He is well aware of his high intelligence and thinks no
adult is smarter than he is.
Unfortunately, Catlin's father spent the last 12 years contradicting every
minute detail of anything I said, did, planned or requested, to the point of
dangerous and the rediculous. It was an obsession of his. He would have
walked out in front of a car if I had told him not to... and in fact, this is
exactly how my child responds and did do exactly that.
Catlin was so verbal today, I couldnt even hear my own thoughts. He ran off
in the store at least 12 times and I paged him three times, among many other
things, including the fact he would not stop chewing an aluminum soda can.
Normally I just go home but I had only today to get things accomplished.
Catlin is high functioning gifted autistic among other things, and cannot
connect the dots on any social interaction. He is disabled in trying to
understand feelings, like they were a foreign language. He cannot process the
answers to Why questions unless it is writ from books. He has to learn these
things the same way Dress For Success wrote their wardrobe formulas or the
same way you would have to learn how to do plumbing.
The oppositional behavior is imprinted from 18 months and forward through
observation and mimic of his father. The capacity to perfectly copy
observations at that age? He was reading newspaper headlines at age 13
months, and it had taken me 6 weeks to teach him how to read fluently which I
had begun at 11 1/2 months. They call this hyperlexia, however, the same
aptitudes to master reading applied to mastering observations, but within the
context developmentally of an 18 month old maturity. Minus that maturity,
classic abuser behaviors were imprinted from the father's example including a
total lack of respect. I was aware and able to help him unlearn a great deal
of it, so Catlin is now passive agressive instead of violent most of the time
with me, but contradictory, condescending and annoying are his favorite
attributes. Most therapists dont even touch the surface of having a clue, and
keeping him mainstream in school is nearly a full time job, but necessary
since all his classes need to be gifted or these behaviors will start in
school as well.
Although, I will say, one very together male rolemodel who can rolemodel
social skills and respect and give him rewarding attention - most all of what
I describe would just fall away. Catlin's father is no longer here, and in
leaving also resigned all parental duties to me, but continues visits minus
any responsibility or accountability.
Christopher's "respond to absolutely everything I say" contradicting and
condescending tone is a complete match to the way my son interacts with me.
By the time I come to this list, I am already tapped out and looking for a
safe haven that is free of all that.
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