To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/05/13 10:18
Subject: [K-list] Some highlights on Victim dynamics
From: Cleocatras
On 2001/05/13 10:18, Cleocatras posted thus to the K-list:
Living the lie of abuse:
Passive victim:
I deserved it
It was something I did and he couldnt help himself
I caused him to act that way
I provoked him
Its because of the way I am that this has happened
This is my lot in life
This is just the way life is
That's okay, Im used to it
The big lie of the
Oppressed victim:
Something terrible will happen if I tell
They will hurt me if I tell
Everyone will hate me if I tell
I tried to tell and now they think something is wrong with me
I was told I am just dreaming that this happened
I am hallucinating, I have skizophrenia
I was told I was a liar, and now I am in trouble
No one will believe me
"He" told me no one would believe me
"He" tries to prove Im crazy every day, so no one will believe me
"He" threatens me all the time what will happen if I tell
Everyone will blame me for breaking up the family
Keeping peace is my responsibility
I am responsible for this problem so now I have to keep it inside
It wasnt his fault so now its my job to protect him
He couldnt help himself so not it is my job to keep the family together
Someone will kill me for making the accusation
It will hurt others in the family if I tell
They will just prove that I am lying and I will be alone
Statistics:
25% of all women in the US are sexually abused before age 18
8% of all men are sexually abused before age 18
38% of all males who were abused become perpetrators themselves
90% or more have multiple victims and continue abusing until they no longer
have access to victims or until they get caught.
Do the math:
38% of 8% is 3% of the total male population
how many victims is that? 3% of the male population times 2 to 5 victims
(average norms)
There were 2670 convicted sex offenders and pedofiles living under either
house arrest or 2 year probation in Pinellas County, Florida alone, during
the two years that I was working in the system... and remember, only a small
percentage actually get caught. How many victims would that be?
The unique things about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder :
Anything that resembles "memory bits" of the trauma in sound, smell, sight or
interaction can replay the entirety or parts of the original traumatizing
incident, or repeat or create a connection to an unexplained feeling of
helplessness and fear or panic feeling. These are called "triggers". It works
similiarly to imprinting, or classical conditioning. These trigger events
cannot be extinguished for years, so, the best that you can do with them is
become so familiar with them that they are anticipated and amusing and put
into perspective as just a brain cell that wont die... or hypnosis, if you
find someone skilled enough.
And repeatedly sharing the event with others in empathy -- this releases the
fear reactions, and the anger.
The mind will sometimes "erase" the event if it was too traumatic and recall
can only come about through piecing together all the trigger events over
time. Journalling is one way to bring about memory and resolution.
People will seek environments that they find most familiar - ie victims will
gravitate to new forms of the old abuse, including role reversal.
When you hate who hurt you, but you do not resolve this, you sometimes
emmulate their behaviors.
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