To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/05/13 01:33
Subject: [K-list] (no subject)
From: Cleocatras
On 2001/05/13 01:33, Cleocatras posted thus to the K-list:
You dont have to prove anything, you just have to develop safe environment.
If you are worried about a pedofile, then tell him you know about him, and
ask him to avoid the situations that provoke his inclination. Tell him you
would be willing to help him work this out. Tell him you are going to explain
something to the parents of the children he is involved with. Simply that you
are uncomfortable with being alone with children because you dont want the
responsibility, try that line? or another...
I dont care what parent you talk to, each and every one of them would be
grateful for a tip on who is not "safe". You dont have to get anyone called
onto the carpet or arrested. But to be honest, you have no idea how relieved
these pedofiles are to be caught. They are eternally relieved. The fear of
getting caught is over. Everyone knows what I did so I cant do it anymore. I
never did want to hurt anyone. etc. I heard this over and over. Families do
forgive. The therapy I was involved in was for families as well as for the
pedofile. They stay together, most of them.
The reason you can recognize a pedofile is because the patterns are the same
in almost every case.
Poor socialization
Low self-esteem and need to feel powerful
Powerless victims available
Poor connection to intimacy - emotional intimacy
Lack of being understood, or being able to talk things out
Difficulty in social settings, isolation due to lack of connection, or social
graces
Little or no friends at all
Pornography interests
Previous victimization that is unresolved and unable to be expressed
Permission by default, aka lack of resolution for what has already happened
One of the bigger reasons I believe that women are less often perpetrators is
because among women it is a fairly open discussion about abuse. Many agencies
are open and available for therapy and healing and resolution. Domestic
violence programs will deal with sexual abuse, Incest Survivors is a group
available to anyone, and many others, not to mention just talk among sisters,
cousins, friends, etc... women are more apt to discuss their commonalities of
abuse with others like themselves.
As a facilitator for the therapy for sex offenders, I played a rather small
but important role, by explaining how the cause/effect transpires through
generations and also the tremendous damage that this type of abuse creates
over longterm. My job was to get each of them to cry. Cry about their own
abuse and then how they acted it out by becoming the abuser they hated so
much. Unresolved anger, suppression of grief. The death of childhood and
innocence.
Except for the fear of what will happen if they get caught, all the other
things about what they experienced and then what they did, they had a
tremendous need to express, to connect, to share, and to finally come home
and feel they were understood. If you can get around the fear issue, you can
bring them into a place where everyone can be safer, and the cycle can be
broken. Families do love and forgive if they abandon the coverups and the
lies and the anger. There is only one way to break the cycle and that is to
speak out speak up and keep speaking. Let the chips fall... it is all within
the cycle of healing.
What we do not have is therapy for a practicing pedofile who has not been
caught. Cant exist. Therapists take the oath to report to law enforcement
when abuse is ocurring. This needs to change somewhat.
I feel a pedofile has a right to therapy without going to jail for seeking
it. I believe there should be a safety net so this can happen. These people
are not seeking therapy because its just like confession to a crime. My
solution is for everyone to lighten up a little bit, and make the deal with
the person seeking help. And here is what it is: Their Significant Other must
be included in the full disclosure of the problem and must agree to actively
maintain interventions so their pedofile is not exposed to victims
unsupervised. The perpetrator should remove himself from any residence where
children reside and under these two conditions of accountability, his
disclosure should remain confidential. Probably he should be paying a case
manager to run a check on this criteria as well.
If the perpetrator does not have a significant other, then he should be
willing to partner with a paid case manager and live in group quarters.
Being willing to get honest with family members is the first step to healing.
The harshness of the law is what is causing this to not take place. It is the
injustice of justice.
Cat
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.