To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/04/22 03:05
Subject: [K-list] "Ravings of a Mad Housewife"
From: Ditomaso
On 2001/04/22 03:05, Ditomaso posted thus to the K-list:
Hi,
I had a spontaneous "Kundalini awakening" three years ago that I am
still coming to understand. I was 36 yrs old at the time, healthy
and leading a stable life. I had not been using drugs nor was I
engaged in meditation or other spiritual practices although I had
been reading some books on ancient mythology.
It began with recurring dreams – some wonderful but others
terrifying. The first recurring dream was of finding arrowheads or
other Indian artifacts – treasure. I started to pay more serious
attention after I found a perfect arrowhead just 2 feet off my porch
one day-just like in the dream! I felt led, dragged and sometimes
pushed by a force akin to my own intuition. The experience grew
steadily in intensity over a 3 month period and culminated with 7
days where the dreams became even more intense and I had odd bodily
sensations – light & tingly feeling, zero fatigue or need for sleep,
little appetite and a strange tight feeling in my head. My mind was
flooded with realizations of both a personal and also global nature.
I felt compelled to write about it incessantly in a journal that I
call "ravings of a mad housewife" throughout the experience. My
emotions ranged from intense feelings of love to absolute terror. I
awoke from one of one powerful dream with the sensation of choking to
death - I was dreaming of a snake coming up and out of my throat!
Even though I had the weird sensation of being disconnected from my
body and my life, I managed to continue with my regular routine as
the full-time sort of "middle-aged soccer-mom" of 3 young sons
throughout. My husband was fairly tolerant, but naturally quite
relieved when it was over and I seemed to return to the "old me". I
finally consciously rejected the experience as it threatened to
overturn a life that I have chosen and committed to (under the
guidance of this same spirit), and also because it was just getting
to be too wild of a ride. To stay with the experience would mean I
would have had to walk away from my life and live in a monastery or
something – an option that feels totally wrong to me. I believe my
best path is to slowly but gradually integrate this new awareness of
reality into my life and bring it to the lives of those around me.
In hindsight, I believe the scary stuff was caused by two factors:
1. My resistance – it was necessary to shake me loose from my old
ideas about reality.
2. My encounter with my own ego – personified in my dreams by a
ferocious black bull that stood in the way of path of spiritual
discovery.
But, I think the worst part of the experience was that I had
absolutely no frame of reference for what was happening and no one to
talk to about it that might have understood. I had never accepted
traditional Christianity or any other religion but in hindsight have
always been a seeker of the truth. I was unprepared for what I
encountered - sort of like having a baby all alone without even clue
as to what was happening!
My journey continues as serendipity continues to work overtime, but
in a gentler way - perhaps because I am learning to be more
cooperative. I have just recently been lead to this "Kundalini"
thing. A book sort of "jumped off the shelf" recently
called "Kundalini for beginners" by Ravindra Kumar. I read it cover-
to-cover TWICE – finding more in it that corresponded to my own
personal beliefs and experience than I have ever encountered before.
Since then, I thought, "well maybe I should check out this Yoga
thing" since I have tried meditation and sort of stink at it. Then,
the other night, sick with a cold and unable to sleep I turned on the
TV (which I rarely do) and lo and behold a show called "Kundalini
Yoga" – it was 3:01 a.m. and the show had just started! And then,
here I am at this website…
While I do sense that I was meant to undergo this experience in
isolation I also have a strong sense that it doesn't have to be this
way for everyone and perhaps I/we can make a difference toward that
somehow.
I welcome your input and am interested to know more about all of you
out there.
Love & Light,
Laurel
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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