To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/03/25 12:30
Subject: Re: [K-list] passing on passing judgement (was: Passing Judgement)
From: Sherman Buck
On 2001/03/25 12:30, Sherman Buck posted thus to the K-list:
there is no unconditional love in all of this, both sides, both mirrors
(selves) arguing incessantly, hating incessantly, reacting incessantly, and
what is really at the core is FEAR. so, the question that needs to be asked
by both sides is what am i afraid of. when fear is present, love is not.
this is basic and it is the core of beingness. reacting to the fear is
allowing the dark to trigger and feed off of your reactions. this is
something eckhart tolle talks about in his book, "the power of now." knowing
my own self deeply, has taught me such vindication, revenge, is not who i
am, is not what i would tell someone else to do in a similar situation, does
not solve anything. in the short term it is ego satisfaction, in essence "i
am right." this is the failure to see that the other is really me. how can
it not be. we are one. the lessons come, the anger, the fear, the jealousy,
because we have forgotten this and have to come to terms with it. in some
sense i dont believe you will be punished by whatever action you choose,
except that you will have to live what with your actions. i heard someone
say, "everyone is sentenced to life with themselves." this is so true. and i
have done the opposite of love to others and have my regrets. those moments
are now reminders of me to practice letting go and surrendering to my
authentic self. it becomes the merging of the shadow and the light, so that
they once again are connected to be transformed. i write this because on
some level this war is within myself, you are I. this war like other wars
triggers more wars and more damage, more truama, that feeds still more and
it goes on and on and on. it is ugly and yet even in ugliness there is
beauty. stuart wilde in his book, infinite self, says we should thank those
who push our buttons, because they are teaching us not to react. this is so
true. this is our weakness, our wound that needs to be healed. ultimately
our higher selves, of which we often shut out, have more control over outer
situations than we could ever concieve of. they can instantly communicate
with other higher selves, seek out one or more to create a situation for us
to wake our asses up. it is that simple. until we get the lesson, we will
continue to be harassed by it, cant get away from it no matter what we do,
because in the end we will have to face it. even a dog that chases its own
tail will wind itself down exhausted. there is a story of a small baby
chewing on its own toe and crying out with tearr and wailing, not realizing
it is causing its own pain. this is the unawareness that we each carry into
the areas within that we are not connected too. when we kill another, maime
another, chastize another, abuse another, hate, fear, or whatever, it is
ourselves we are doing it too. finally, whatever situation one finds
themselves in that is not functional (unconditional loving), is created
because their is something to hook on, the wound, and it usually comes from
the family of origin. most of our wounds, our patterns, our beliefs, come
from origin and it is going there and remembering it which will set us free
from the pattern. once it is brought to awareness and embraced, there is no
longer anymore energy to be hooked. this then frees you from having that in
your life, unless of course you go unconscious again. this is simple and yet
very difficult to do. pain becomes pleasure, it is all we know, and it has
its own source of pleasure, but it is nowhere's near the pleasure one can
open up to in the light. if this is of little recourse, consider this. if in
fact we are all one. one could say nothing matters, one can do light, or
dark. true. if you are the one, which you are, and there are all those other
sparks of you out there, would you want the light ones or the dark ones to
love you. those light ones and dark ones are you. which do you want to love
you?
know that you are enough and though it sounds simplistic, it is the most
profoundness of truths, of which we all desire to know that we are enough.
much love and light,
sherman
"The Wizard"
Magical Happenings Inc.,
----- Original Message -----
From: "Mystress Angelique Serpent" <MystressATnospamkundalini-gateway.org>
To: "percyval" <percyvalATnospamrcn.com>
Cc: <K-list >
Sent: Sunday, March 25, 2001 9:25 AM
Subject: Re: [K-list] passing on passing judgement (was: Passing Judgement)
>
> Nice thought.. May I remind you, that Doms have safewords too, and I
> safeworded out of this scene three times already, yet she is still on the
> warpath. Consensuality went out the window quite some time ago.
>
> I am unwilling to be a doormat for her continuing accusations. The post
> she is responding to, was a mirror I held up to myself, and any mention of
> how I see myself reflected in others, was incidental to my own vulnerable
> inner exploration.
>
> I was patient, I was tolerant, I defended her against Simon, drove him
> off the list, and still it was not enough. I turned my anger and
> frustration with her behavior inward until it broke me and I spewed. I
> safeworded, again and again and again, on two lists. I apologised. I
> looked into the mirror, for days on end.
> I did not receive an apology, from her. I'm waiting.
>
> At this point I am well past being patient or compassionate. If she
> really wants to be my victim, I'm quite ready to abandon patience, and
> tear her into tiny pieces and devour them .. and it will be my great
> pleasure to do it, and perhaps is the key to me taking my power back.
>
> She insists she is my victim, when I have done her no harm.. rather,
> hurt myself in my efforts to be restrained and compassionate. Enough. That
> is my safeword. Enough.Let her find out what it is truly like, to be my
> victim, and then perhaps she will be able to see the love in my previous
> restraint.
>
> Do you know.. V. asked to be my slave once. I turned her down,
because
> she was too self centered to be a good slave for me. What you are seeing
> with this game she has been playing, is a SAM in action. Is the picture a
> little clearer, now? SAMs do not respect safewords, do they?
>
> Once upon a time, I did not punish submissives who provoked me.. then
I
> learned, that they will keep upping the stakes and harassing till they get
> what they want. I learned that it was wiser to surrender, and more.. to
> punish them so severely that they learned respect. To not dare to provoke
> me again.
>
> I wrote to my sister about how enlightened people have very little of
a
> social mask, to act differently than they feel. My social mask is in
> denying my own expressions in order to try to live up to some spiritual
> ideal of kindness and gentleness.. which is what you are asking.. it is
not
> who I am. you would not love me, if it were.
>
> I bind and gag the berserker Alpha wolf on a road to hell of good
> intentions to be a patient and gentle fluffy bunny spiritual person, over
> and over, and by now I ought to know better.
> He is wiser than me, he is instinct, and I hurt myself when I bind
> him. He is my ultimate safeword. My other safewords were not heard, not
> even by you. It's time I turned berserker wolf loose and let him have his
> way. This is not a consensual game anymore.
> It is war, and I will win.. because I must, and because it is what
> V.is truly asking for. She does not want my restraint. If she did, she
> would have respected my safewords. She wants to feel my claws. She does
not
> want accusations of victimhood, she wants an experience of it so complete
> as to break all of her attraction to being a victim, so she can be free.
> percyval wrote:
> >we have a tendency on this list to sometimes mercilessly hold up our
> >mirrors to people who we want to help see what may seem so obvious to
> >us... well, Valerie has just "safeworded" (to borrow a bdsm term)...
> >respect for consensuality means that now is time to stop... if we have
> >an urge to keep holding up mirrors to Valerie, it is now time to turn
> >those mirrors back on ourselves instead...
>
>
> <
>
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