To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/03/23 18:32
Subject: [K-list] The Big Day
From: Paul Perner

Dear List,

It was three years ago today, March 23rd that everything changed for
me. Some of you already know my story.

I was three months clean off heroin, doing good in a drug and alcohol
rehab community in the desert... not practicing meditation beyond the
once a week group sessions my counselor had us do.

One afternoon I was alone in my cabin... I contemplated the sixth step
of AA "Became entirely ready to have God remove our short comings." I
stood up and prepared to leave... the old Paul never made it to the
door.

I felt a sudden rush of energy.... I become one with the Universe...
there are few words to describe this experience. Ecstasy has no
language.

But the days that followed were an up and down ride... a purging of
polarity? Visions of angels a demons... a battle of good vs. evil and
mythology playing itself out before me. The End of the World kept coming
and going.

And of course... there was no time to eat or sleep... and everybody
around me thought I was raving lunatic. In that environment... the
emotionally charged atmosphere of a coed drug treatment camp... with the
silence, magic and beauty of the high desert all around... it was a time
of intense drama and unforgettable human experience.

I didn't know what happened to me until I found this list about a year
ago. I had come into a better life and had many friends, but it was
still difficult to tell anybody what happened. This list became a
Goddess send... now I can blab away with 500+ other proper lunatics.

So much has changed in these past three years. I still occasionally
feel a trembling of energy through my body... it doesn't bother me...
I've trimmed my sails a bit and stay on an even keel.

There's still a kind of aloneness. Awakening is such a personal
process. Can we ever really communicate the exact nature of the
experience? It's like we've blown apart in a super nova of the mind and
spirit and our personal stars and planets spun around and flew out in
new directions... new colors... new sounds... new meanings... new
everything's.

So much as changed. So many adventures.

The sun is setting here on the coast. What should I do on this, the
anniversary of my "big day?" Perhaps I'll just finnish cleaning the
house... and lay down for a good, long sleep.

I Love Every One of You,

Paul

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