To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/03/21 19:15
Subject: [K-list] So Perfectly Sorry
From: Murrkis
On 2001/03/21 19:15, Murrkis posted thus to the K-list:
Dear All,
Probably due to my own challenges over apologizing, I found the responses
to saying "I'm sorry" very interesting... so many flavors! It's like an
improv night where everyone is handed the same phrase ("I'm sorry") and a
different approach and told to act it out. I contemplated how each of these
approaches would work on the slightly slighted husband, John... also known
as the steadfast emotional guinea pig and keeper of the laundry roll. What
is the name of that book? "After the Ecstasy the Laundry"? Something like
that. Anyway, here goes!
Oh, but first, a disclaimer: I love you all. I love all of your approaches.
And if anyone takes offense, I will just have to... apologize.
Carla: would rather forgive self than utter the words "I'm sorry". I'm not
sure this one would work with John when he complains that I haven't put my
laundry in the hamper: "Oh, dear! You're right! I forgive myself!" "Oh,
yes! Thank you!" I'd love to be thanked everytime I messed up and had to
forgive myself. ;)
>If we all take the things we said 'i'm sorry' about (i know i started doing
>that with my stuff after Nina and MAS posted theirs) and change those 2
>words to 'I Forgive Myself...', then we'll all start posting the 'I Thank
>U's...'
Ben: no problem with someone else saying they are sorry... but the words
don't show up in post. :) Yes, I also get the urge to say "things" when I
am reproached for my laundry laziness.
>People say what they have to say sometimes.
>If they didn't say it and bottled it up then it would a very unpleasent
>world.
Wim: ah, the avoidance tactic... I think my husband might go for this one
if I'm
sneaky enough. "Oh yea... laundry. Hey, how's about the wild thing?"
>What about one of those 'silly' group hugs ?
>Here goes... with kisses OK...,
>(You know the Dutch way: two on the cheeks and one on the lips??
>... and a few pats on the shoulder...
>and some... well anything that expresses our feelings...
>Blow those kisses hard...
>They get to each other sooner than the meaning of posts coming across (pun
>intended)...
Wim: habit forming or not? Oh yes... and then the notion that there is
nothing there to apologize or forgive for. :) This one I can dig... never
thought it was so bad to leave my laundry lying all over my bathroom floor,
anyway.
>After enough tries of saying "I'm sorry" it could become a habit, that why
>it is so good that you suggest to forgive yourself, self compassion. Now
>thAt is a good habit...
>After enough tries of self-forgiving it becomes an easy thing and it is
>really not habit forming as the actions that made you say sorry and the
>things you had to forgive yourself for fall away... yes they do...
Michael: you said it Michael! A man after my own heart... on my worse days.
;) This one is used in desperate situations in combination with the
avoidance tactic Wim articulated earlier. I'll do ANYTHING not to
apologize! I'll even make up some wonderfully elaborate way of putting the
blame on... John! Somehow I always knew it was his fault I could never get
my laundry to the hamper on the first try.
>Now, I am not sorry for a damn thing!
>I readily apologize for all of it. Why? Just being polite!
>
>Oh, the suffering! What a miserable thing existance can be!
>Murder, rape, and pillaging abound! Now, who is doing all of this
>shit?! F***ing god - you asshole! Sure, that's the ticket! Lay the
>blame where it belongs - on some brahma bastard! Goddess gets
>an indictement for shittiness, too!
Susan: habitually saying I'm sorry can be an out, you know... sometimes I
just LIKE leaving my laundry out... something about that extra layer of
fluffy fabric on top of the bath mats. Luxury, right? The price to pay:
saying "sorry!" every time. ;) Of course, the difference here is that I'm
obviously not feeling very sorry when I say it.
>P.S. I used to say "I'm sorry" constantly. My ex would stub his toe, yell
>at me, and I'd be sorry. My mom would have some imagined slight, and I'd be
>sorry... Used to accept the blame for every negative condition of everyone
>around me... blame and shame. I'm not a "sorry" person anymore, unless I
>truly feel I've done something contrary to my own heart.
Jan: you said it! I enjoyed this very much, too.
>†I'm sorry I sent those last two posts.
>† I'm sorry I've lost my mind.
>† Blessings....
>
>Why sorry? I enjoyed this very much - one remains human until the body
>gives up and there isn't a choice :)
with tongue in cheek,
Nina
<
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