To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/01/28 17:29
Subject: [K-list] A Story for Amy's Dad
From: Cleocatras
On 2001/01/28 17:29, Cleocatras posted thus to the K-list:
Hi, Amy...
The spirit of wanting to help can be so powerful, to separate yourself from
it and make a clear decision is more and more trecherous as you love a
person, remember "projected" love? It does not allow you to be impartial.
However, because you love "unimpartially" it allows you to know more than
anyone what to do, but it is buried deep, like it would be under a thick
blanket. Somewhere, in your subconsious self, in your DNA, is your father,
too. You will have to completely pull away to complete impartiality and then
you might discover in your mind's eye the very best thing for him... and even
then, you wont be certain. This you have to know how much responsibility you
might have to made a strong decision. You can only do your personal best, and
I realize it is yours to do as he should be declared incompetant under your
inherited right and guidance.
A competency hearing would allow you to place him in an environment where no
alcohol is available. That does not mean you will win the "battle", but
perhaps save his life for a small duration. If it makes him extremely angry,
that is the will that he needs to survive. The gift you can give him as part
of being in the here and now and of wanting to be alive. Anger does that.
I have had three people that did or almost did die through alcohol addiction.
One was sheer Goddess work. I was just starting of in the wee hours on my
sales job in the ice and snow, and saw the image of my brother "flippin' the
bird" and driving off the Mississippi River Bridge, 180 miles away. He was a
homeless alcoholic at the time, and I hadnt returned home to see him in my
hometown for months... I smeared away the frost of the picture and kept
driving... it appeared again a few minutes later, so I turned the car around.
I grabbed some clothes and called the veterans adminitration to find the
nearest rehab center, which was another 80 miles beyond where I was headed...
they kept insisting on an appointment time I didnt even know what I was doing
calling over frost on my windshild to being with!! So, I decided to just give
her a time... I get it now.. it was meant for me to create the thought in my
mind that I would find my brother and get him there, although I did not
realize that way back then... I set off and drove 180 miles back home, not
having any idea what would happen next, thinking I must have a screw loose to
act so radically against what my world says about some silly frosty
windshield... but in a strong faith that I was being led by that carrot, I
went. This was not the first time I had to just believe. The image on the
windshield could have only come from one place, I kept thinking, verbalizing
my gratitute the entire way...
I arrived via my secret key no one knew I had, and snuck into my Dad's house
where no one way home. I was not at all expected, quite the contrary, I was
not likely to ever go there again, but there I was... nor had my brother even
been seen for months after burning all his "bridges"<hint, and getting kicked
out of every place he could live, he was out on the street homeless for
months by then.
Before I could close the door the phone rang, when I answered, some
hysterical woman was screaming my name and finally that my brother was next
to her with a gun pointed at his head, ready to pull the trigger. He had had
enough.
"Ask him if he will say goodbye to his sister, before he leaves us", I said.
Like those who rush in an emergency, I threw the top of my head wide open
like a huge old treasure trunk, and reach for that light before I said then
next things... I wont repeat them just now, because I was in a dream state I
wont get them repeated perfectly like they deserve...
All I can say is, I managed to get him to come to me and get into my car. The
drive to the VA rehab was one minute he was jumping out and the next hugging
me in tears. My feeling like my "envisioning" and my strong will was keeping
him in that car was so strong I could barely see the road because it was
intensely intoxicating, another 80 miles, and I finally, out of sheer
depiration, made a conscious decision that I was actually activating
*something*. (dont ask me if I really believed it - only that I commited
myself to believing it) So I took my empassioned (didnt feel I had a choice
but to believe) vision into an even greater depth (or level) of conviction of
what this energy was all about, and in the middle of my brother's turbulance,
planted the palm of my hand firmly on his forehead. And then, with a feeling
like I was in a live-dream, sucked the energy right out of him into the
tickling part of the palm of my hand, rolled it up in a tight little ball,
and then threw it to a cow. (I was traveling in farm country Iowa)
What a silly notion, I thought...
My brother was immediately peaceful. Zoned in a stupor and quiet. The whole
ordeal felt timeless. I had told the crisis unit clerk, who insisted on a
time, that I would be there at 1am, which was 19 hours from the time she
asked me that. When we stood at the counter and she asked "What time was your
intake appointment" I had never seen a watch since the time I started off,
some 240 miles away 19 hours before. "1am" I said, and then... I saw the
clock... it was 1:02 am.
My brother went into a locked rehab facility. They put him on anti-buse after
he had been there a few weeks and shortly after, he left. He has never had a
drink in his life since. This happened in 1982.
*Only here* could I tell my true story through my own perception of it like
this. The biggest battle was not my brother at all, but within myself to
believe it was what it seemed to be. I still dont know if it was, but I
decided I had my brother's life to lose if I didnt believe it, because he
would be jumping out of the car onto the interstate.
Be "mindful" what your mind can create... and never let your worldly self
override Goddess's miracles - I believe now, that they are everywhere if only
you just say they are with the greatest "conviction", and let go of your
"worldly" vision (eyesight) in order to see them. It is never over, 'til its
over... and even *then* ... you can "travel" back...
LIke that "Big V"... maybe its only an invisible gummy label and you just
have to invision it well enough to just peel it off the person's forehead and
it is gone. We are all energy, remember? (he he, where's the vacuum?)
I do not think it is a good idea to decide its over with your father. I would
totally avoid that thought -- with every cell in my body -- and then envision
all the things he has yet to be doing... maybe even bring them to vivid
conversation, in future tense and "with the deepest conviction"... take it
for granted. (with gratitude, of course) I do not believe I would have been
given the vision if I was not able and supposed to do it. For me, it was
absolute proof of God/dess, and for this I will always be grateful --
now have your Dad stick *that* one under his hatATnospamATnospamATnospam!
Cat (in the hat)
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