To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/01/28 14:43
Subject: [K-list] what should I do?
From: a m y

Hi everyone,

This post is about a personal problem that doesn't directly relate to
kundalini, so forgive me for going off-topic. However, it's something that's
extremely important to me and I know there are some wise people on the list
who might have some good advice.

The problem is my father. He's a severe alcoholic, and has been this way for
about 10 years. He lives in a different state than I do, about 500 miles
away, and I am his only child. He's about 53 years old, and never remarried
after he and my mother divorced 20 years ago. He lives alone in an apartment
and is financially stable, but he was fired from his job about 6 months ago
because of drinking.

My father grew up Catholic but became an atheist in his early 20s. He was a
very ardent atheist and scoffed any and all religious ideas. As he began to
drink, he sunk deeper and deeper into depression. He has no friends and no
hobbies and does not enjoy life at all. I can't think of anyone more a
pessimist than he is. He refuses to stop drinking or get professional help
of any kind. He has been arrested several times for public drunkenness and
has been sent to the mental hospital for three weeks at a time on two
occasions. He has lost his driver's license, so he no longer has his car.

I've learned to deal with him over the years and have attended ACOA and
Al-Anon. However, the problem I'm facing now is very hard. Here it is:

Several months ago, I found out my father has a degenerative liver disease
from drinking. Every couple of weeks he becomes very ill and vomits
repeatedly all day and night. Sometimes this goes on for days at a time.
When he is not sick, he calls up and leaves very disturbing messages on my
answering machine. He talks about killing other people and about killing
himself. Lately the messages have focused on his own suicide. He describes
in detail how he will kill himself and what I should do after he's dead.
Sometimes he is so extreme as to say: "I'm going outside to kill myself
right now!"

I's very hard for me to just go on as if this isn't happening. I cannot even
describe how sad and painful this is for me. I love my father very much.
However, I don't know what to do with someone who refuses to get help. I'm
worried that he will die soon, either from the liver disease or from
suicide. I want to do the right thing here, but I don't know what it is...

I think his problem is spiritual in nature. When he embraced atheism, he
someone lost all hope. And maybe he did realize at some point that there is
"something else," and he couldn't handle being wrong.

So if anyone has any advice for me, I would appreciate it. Thanks for
listening,

Amy

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