Recieved: 2000/12/17 09:46
Subject: Re: [K-list] empathy...
On 2000/12/17 09:46, Carla posted thus to the K-list:
> I wish, I wish that my family could understand.. but I learned very
> young not to tell them anything that happened in my life, because it would
> always be turned into a weapon to hurt me with. Not to ask for help..
> It is even more painful because they do not want to know the woman I
> have become,
You have my empathy and sympathy as well. I have similar dysfunctions and
have tried and tried again to reach out to them because of this 'need' for
my *family* to understand and accept. Now I'm (generally) passed the point
of even wanting to bother with it. (Hurray!!! :))
> On my own I am fine, but around my family I become again, the helpless
> child who cannot say no or defend herself... still alive and in so much
> pain. I am the second youngest of 5 kids.. my younger brother was the baby
> of the family, we all protected him.. but nobody protected me... and I
> dared not show I needed protecting because any vulnerability only
> more abuse.
We are here protecting you.....my heart hurts to know that this happens to
you and many many blessings will continuously shower you this holiday
> Writing these letters to my sister has been like tearing out my own
> liver. Not being able to send them out of fear she will attack me again is
> an awful helplessness. I'm struggling with my own victimhood trying not to
> fall into the trap of "the righteousness of victims". Trying to defend my
> boundaries without going on the offensive while knowing my efforts at
> gentleness mean nothing.
> Any admission of vulnerability will be like blood to a shark... so it
> has always been, in my family... and when I write to someone I go into
> empathy with them.. and so I fall into old patterns that I have cleared
> from myself, but are still reflected in others and so become mine again.
> All I want for X-mas is to be heard, and accepted for who I am...
> instead of fending off projections of who they think I am. Wanting creates
> experiences of wanting.. so it goes..
Remember "Illusions"? This is what has helped me over the years:
that links your true family
is not one of blood, but
of respect and joy in
each other's life.
Rarely do members
of one family grow up
under the same
I will be sending you love and hugs. Hope it all goes well.
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