To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/11/20 08:35
Subject: [K-list] the mystery
From: J B
On 2000/11/20 08:35, J B posted thus to the K-list:
(previous) Sunday, she died in the hospice.
Cancer spread, and finally to the brain.
A good friend for 25 years, and ex-wife.
Ceased perhaps a bit too early; at 48.
Seen her, a few hours after. Sat for an hour and a half with her..
Powerful and peaceful Presence in the room.
Apart from all the biological & 'spiritual' knowledge relating to
Death, when one is in its vicinity/proximity, it is a kind of an
Incomprehensible shock of its Mystery.. irrevocable and Absolute
Finality..
So Silent and yet So Loud !..
So Motionless and yet so overwhelmingly Potent and effective !
Finally, the 'me' had to go into abeyance,.. and the humility of not-
knowing take its place..
one cannot cheat the blatant Fact of Death with spiritual chit-
chat/speculative noises and self-contracted/concerned dreams of a
glorious spiritual/fulfilling life..
while living, there seem to be many back-doors one can sneak out thru
and away from life as-it-is,.. the stark Statement of Death though,
does not seem to provide or tolerate such a 'back-door'..
: the body, which moved, talked etc,.. suddenly Absolutely
MotionLess..
not even a slight movement of breathing or eye-movement,..
The person was no more..
An Absolute, irretrievable un-argumentable endlessly powerful
Statement of life..
The look on her face seemed to be of a focussed strength and peace,..
could feel an unqualified Presence
(perhaps her, as Essence)
pointing to some 'beyond'.
On her chest, a few white roses, 'held' by her, by now, blood-drained
alabaster-white hand.
The hand was very cold.
(The body, once stops functioning, cannot be taken to the repair-
shop,..
the battery might run out or the circuits damaged,..But, it Is a One
Time offer.)
.. 5 days before she died, have also visited her, .. that day was 25
years since we've met.
Though conscious only 30 sec. at a time, every time she was so, she
would be happy to find herself holding my hand.
I thanked her for her presence & company and wished her a good
journey.
(should there be such a thing..)
Went into the street, .. was dark already,
slightly raining & windy,..
the ground was covered with wet and yellowish leaves.
The gaze touched thru the eyes, a somewhat transformed life.
jb
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