To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/10/11 14:53
Subject: Re: [K-list] Re: energy/perceptual clarity and sex
From: Wim Borsboom
On 2000/10/11 14:53, Wim Borsboom posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Bob and all,
Wonderfully and comprehensively summed up. Thank you.
Every paragraph succinct and right on.
So good to hear all this from someone else, who of course writes a beautiful
English, take credit for it Bob, I enjoy your clarity. I have to always work
so hard at it. And I'm never sure, (nor do I care, really) how it will be
understood. I just write from myself for myself and if I am lucky enough to
understand my own writing a bit, I expect there must be someone else who can
at least tolerate it or relate to it. Yep, there is quite a bit of self
congratulatory stuff, sometimes I am even proud of myself, where I am, that
I am. God, what a lot of 'hard work' life is when you want to leave the
'doing' out. Work and doing does not appear to be the same. I work hard at
doing nothing. Too bad I still want to type an account of all this so often,
eh?
Even though I have quite an extensive knowledge of much of the literature on
K, yoga and spirituality over some 35 years, (and 10 years of intense
religious reading and study during my early years) at some juncture in my
life I made it a point to totally forget... I absolutely did not want to
remember or quote anything anymore, or live according to rules, mores and
morals. If I had not experienced something myself or come up with some idea
uniquely mine, such an external idea went out the door as just conceptual.
Only what happened to me sensory, internally and externally, not brought
about by outside means or practices, I would know to be true. By the way,
what was important in that stage was that I never accepted the idea that it
was 'just true for me.' I always wanted it to be understood that what I
experienced was true universally. Oh what my friends must have thought...
Did I care or do I care? Nope!
I know there are some psychological and philosophical theories that would
counter everything that I just said but.... out the door it goes... so do
not even try to talk me out of myself. If such a viewpoint would be true, I
would've discovered it myself or... maybe will at some point. So, yes I am
in favour of reinventing the wheel.
Problems arise in ordinary life when we are told things prematurely: 'things
to do, things to know'. Dad would say: "Here take this for your toolkit,
carry it with you. If you need it, you have it handy." "Hey Dad, away with
the toolkit and the knapsack... too heavy."
How could I forget all? Well I asked for permission (huh?) from my wife and
child, and boss, which of course I did not allow them to refuse. Then I
stepped into a different personality *so to say* and went hay-wire.
Personalities? Yes, we have many, none of them authentic, all behavioural
responses. Authenticity was what I was after. What a pain in the behind I
must have been... but eventually and finally *I* could say that *I* was a
pain, *I* was in pain, *I* was sad, *I* was happy, *I* was crazy, *I* was
unencumbered...
K. started (after some interrupted starts earlier in my life) and I
experimented away as things came up and when I did not experiment willingly
and consciously, my body took over and I just had no choice but going with
it, my witnessing mind always a second behind, always too late to stop
things or interfere. Spontaneous and continuous yogalike dancing, even
cranial and sacral stuff. Self-cracking spinal and vertebral adjustments.
The singing, the noises. I made all kinds of funny contraptions to fiddle
around with my body, especially something to do with my testicles, something
had to happen to the epididymi. Oh joy... My god, I even had my legs over my
shoulders crossed behind my head and I did not know how they got there. Did
only crazy things, like I said in some previous post, the only thing I did
not do was killing or hurting a human being physically... (Surely, I must
have had some angels looking after me... and truly... I met them, three of
them, at one point... head on... and we were not nice to each other.)
Everything I did came from me, from the moment, the situation. Loads of
weird things, but fun for me. Even the sadness and extreme inner pain I
could enjoy from some vantage point. (Until I and the vantage point were
gradually converging.)
When K. started its course I threw all advice, fear, expectations,
aspirations out the door and let myself be guided by an innermost craziness.
In fact, during that period I did not even remember anything I had ever read
about K. So, during the 960 days (+40, +12) of this, I started picking up
books again, mostly for the pictures and the original Sanskrit texts. They
made total sense to me now, everything now made sense... the corroboration
and recognition was fantastic.
Was it dangerous? Nope... if you don't think visiting a mental institution
is dangerous, which I did for ten days, where I had to fight my last
bully... the psychiatrist.
There is no end to this of course.
I write this not for ppl. who read some of my stuff before, we get new
members and I think it is good to regurgitate some... to incite them to
reinvent the wheel themselves as well.
Do not follow me.
This stuff is not for your toolkit.
Love,
Wim
P.S. There is something about 'amorality' I want to write, can somebody get
me riled up by writing something stupid about the Buddhist four noble
truths, the five precepts, the five hindrances and especially the noble
eightfold path?
_/971300456/
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