To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/08/28 21:25
Subject: [K-list] Re: Age at time of becoming K active poll
From: Nancy
On 2000/08/28 21:25, Nancy posted thus to the K-list:
>
> Are there any more responses before I add this to the File/poll
site and
> conclude it?
Hi Hillary and list,
I believe my first awakening symptoms occurred when I was about 25. I
had what was diagnosed as arthritis. The swelling in my knees, feet
and hands led me to traditional medicine. I took anti-inflammatories
to relieve the pain.
Fortunately, at this time I had a woman in my life who helped me
begin
to see things in a broader perspective. Laura was my boss, which is
funny to me, because at the time, I knew more about the work we were
doing than she did. I taught her some things about the business
world.
She taught me things about the spiritual world.
We'd have what I would have called at the time strange conversations
about past lives, sensing the energy of a person, and body work. Now
back to the arthritis, she told me that chiropractic manipulations
helped her with back pain so I thought I'd give it a try.
I can't say for sure that the manipulations helped, but they did open
my eyes to the healing power of the body. I started taking better
care
of myself, eating healthier and getting fit. Then one day I knew that
I didn't need to take the arthritis medication anymore, and so I just
stopped and have never needed it again.
Around the same time, I was introduced to Brian Tracey at a
conference
I was attending. He's a Canadian motivational speaker. His message:
"You are responsible" changed my life. We are responsible for
everything that happens in our life, he said. This really challenged
me. Wait! What about my (then) husband who says he'll pick me up
after
work and then lets me sit for an hour? I was still responsible. I was
the one who allowed myself to rely on him for a ride when I knew
there
was a chance he'd be late.
I am responsible seems so basic to me now. Yet it was life altering.
I don't know how long all this went on...maybe a year or two...but
sometime during that time, I started having these horrible night
sweats. I was drenched, like I was going through some hormonal rage.
I
also started pushing away from some people in my life. I wasn't
strong
enough at the time to make a clean break, and didn't even know that's
what I needed, so I occupied myself with busy-ness to avoid the
dissonance.
Outwardly, I was stable. The truth was that I had created chaos. I
suppose this kept me entertained and distracted. I was a closet
spiritual person. I still wanted to fit in even though I was having
these spiritual longings, so I joined organized religion. I tried and
tried to push my life to fit the confines I had created.
It took several more years, but finally, the chaos spun my life out
of
control. I lost all that I had created. It was devestating, but thank
God it happened because I would have had a hollow existence.
It's taken me four years to rebuild. And you know, sometimes I see
that I still carry the pain of the trauma with me. Someone on the
list
recently asked if anyone else has trouble with the peace and quiet. I
do. My old life was all about distracting myself so I didn't have to
see and feel. Now with the calm, sometimes it seems like I have too
much time to see and feel.
I'm a tenacious person and don't like to give up on anything. It was
very, very difficult for me to humble myself and accept defeat. But,
looking back, I see I had to be humbled so I could surrender that
crazy life and begin a new life.
The past eight months have been difficult in another way, though. In
the process of humbling myself, I lost a great deal of my confidence
and creativity. Being able to write this email today is a big step,
if
you can believe that! I used to write and express myself all the
time.
Maybe now I can do so with humbleness and confidence.
/7872/6/_/680797/_/967523124/
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