To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/07/10 15:39
Subject: [K-list] sex, joy, fear, peace
From: sasse
On 2000/07/10 15:39, sasse posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Ana, Krystyna, Lou, Susan & all others,
Susan wrote:
Welcome to the joy of k sex club...
Thanks Susan!
Timings are incredible. I had a very deep and
meaningful experience to me today and when I got to
read the mails of the few last days there were a lot
of mails relating to orgasmic sensations. It is in
the air...
Yeah, it is difficult to put these things into words.
All in all my process has been very gentle. Energies
flowing up and down and a lot of different orgasmic
states. Even though I enjoy most of it, it seems to
me that "sexual energy" is the number one detergent or
soap - it is washing me, bringing up to my
consciousness all those things that keep me "isolated"
in my prison of fear, pride, all kind of
self-centeredness. The more I see my shortcomings,
the more I feel loved and blessed. Interesting.
Today there was an episode when there were these
orgasmic sensations in the genital area, perhaps at
the back, too but certainly there was orgasmic
hammering in my brain. Finally it got through and I
got some insight at the same time. This has taken
place so many times - perhaps there is a hundred or
two hundred outlets already, I do not know. Perhaps
there will be a thousand or ten thousand... There was
the sensation of restless orgasmic state all over and
then the beautiful flow... Until the flow stopped and
I was in God and God was in me or something.
Three days later:
During the next night I woke up to intense pain in my
stomack area. And there was fire rising up in my
spine. Terrible enough and I made all kind of
promises starting from coffee, bear, meat... I
survived... and had a cup of coffee in the morning -
just one. :) But I was convinced once more that
there are different kind of energies. I do not know
what happened during the night but I had difficulties
to get even simple things done on the next day.
Yesterday I had a most beautiful meditation. To me
meditation is that after my Taiji warm-ups I lie down,
relax and let energies run as they want to. :) I
have got to interprete the energy phenomena as
cleaning led by the inner spirit, my God-fragment - or
Thought Adjuster according to the Urantia Book.
Within my framework different blisses relate to more
or less direct contact with the inner spirit.
Thinking of my experiences I could see sexual energy
or energy passing via sexual center as a mean to lead
me towards communion, deeper and deeper. Within my
changing vocabulary K as fire energy is more like
union /fusion energy. My process is at least at the
moment more about cleansing and communion. Feels good
to have this body - no hurry...
Back to the meditation. There were two new and
perhaps "happens once only" experiences. One was
like golden energy pouring via head into the heart
area, at the same time earth energy travelling up the
spine, crossing over... fireworks in my heart and
everywhere... It was followed with a state where I
was able to "observe my energy body" vibrating in a
kind of orgasmic state and enjoying it, perhaps a kind
of electro-chemical bliss - uh, a dull way to
express... But when I "opened" my heart to the inner
spirit - the state became full of light and bliss and
somehow the sexual was no more sexual. Sexual did not
exist... One interesting point to me (afterwards) was
that I was able to use my will to alternate between
the states.
Today's meditation was totally different. Besides
opening and closing rushes main action was within the
brain. As if it had sucked different energies from
different directions. Quite lightful - and odd. I
was glad energies alternated instead of having a
meeting there. :) Yeah, there is no need for action
movies...
Sorry, this became a lengthy report.
Be well, you all
Sasse
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