To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/07/10 14:43
Subject: [K-list] Fwd: Paying the price.
From: Moonshdw999
On 2000/07/10 14:43, Moonshdw999 posted thus to the K-list:
In a message dated 7/10/00 1:59:52 PM Pacific Daylight Time, Moonshdw999
writes:
<Yes, there are methods to get you a glimps of your future estate, but if
you
want to move in permenantly, with possesion of the deed, then you have to
pay
the mortage as well. All good neighborhoods have high prices on the real
estate. Here, payment truly is in blood. There is no such thing as "a
spiritual Welfare program".>
With me, I was 19 years old, so much speed and cocaine that I weighed 90
lbs.
A voice asked me, "do you want to stay, or do you want to go"? I looked at
the
question, and I said, "I want to stay". So there is hell to pay. Intense
anger and
depression. Reliving my fucked up childhood experiences. Going back to the
dream that I had when I was 3 years old. In a box and I can't get out.
Having this
dream over and over again. Reliving it as if I was 3 all over again.
Punched out the
bedroom window, cut my hand all up. After that, 2 years of intense
depression. I
would have commited suicide except for the dreams. I'd go to sleep and
dream of beautiful rivers with huge fish, and forests with celestial music.
I would wake up in
hell. I'd walk 10 miles a day. Just walk and walk and walk.
When I was 26 I gave up again, which was symbolized by dead birds. One in
paticular, on the road. I realized that I had given up and I accepted it.
At 29 I got married to a man that I didn't love and had 2 children. I was
doing the right thing. I felt semi normal for the first time in my life. To
bad it was the wrong
decision. I had given up, I had no inner strength left. I was resigned to
this life
that I had created. Not to be so. When I was 37 in 1994, I had a massive
K awakening. I didn't ask for it, it just happened. 6 weeks I didn't
sleep.
I lost
consciousness for aproximately 2 to 3 hours during that time. I got a
guided tour
of creation. After I lost all my friends ( I thought they were my friends)
my husband
Francisco deserted me also. He called me satanic and sick. My awakening
wasn't pretty. It was painful and intensely beautiful at the same time.
More
childhood trauma, along with intensive teachings which I am still
integrating to this
day. My guide revealed to me the formula of creation from the Void, which
I
have buried in my unconscious because I just couldn't bear the
responsibility
of it.
I couldn't believe that people would want to awaken Kundalini when I first
found out
that people spend their lives trying to awaken it. For me, I am a slave to
my K.
I don't manipulate any aspect of my awakening. It has control of me and I
have
to surrender to it or suffer the pain of resistance. The good thing is
that
I found
Mystress Angelique and the lists. My guide told me about the "list" in
1994.
She
kept telling me to remember the list. Of course, I didn't have any idea
what
she was
telling me because it wasn't happening yet ( as for many other things ).
When I
first corresponded with Mystress Angelique I received an extensive download
of
information and I have been processing Karma ever since. I've been to the
highest
heights and the pits of hell, to me right now it's all the same.
Ladedadeda.
Just had to express.
Love,
Coriel
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