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To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/06/10 13:16
Subject: Re: [K-list] stifled
From: Ckress

On 2000/06/10 13:16, Ckress posted thus to the K-list:

In a message dated 06/09/2000 11:02:44 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
madammumATnospamptialaska.net writes:

<< List;
Guess I am stifled by the fact I guess I don't have a clue, between
 erotic men & women. The "inner Beloved" - I still wonder how to access
No, I do not quite get that position, but still stuck on a guy in
 real life.>>

Through Valerie, then Kent and Xavier, the concept of a true love keeps
popping up here. Reminds me of an interview with the actor Paul Newman,
whose long marriage to Joanne Woodward defies the usual Hollywood statistics.
 When Newman was asked to reveal the secret of his successful marriage, he
replied, "It was impossible in the beginning, impossible in the middle, and
it's impossible now."

>From my own experience with intimate relationships (a ten year 1st marriage,
my current marriage of 14 years, and my other love/erotic relationships),
Newman's answer hits the target dead on. Even if you can turn your
projections and needs for love toward an interior perfect "divine lover," no
living human being can ever receive you or give you all you want and need in
a relationship. It doesn't matter if you're geared for and capable of long
term "one-and-only beloved" type relationship or if you need the freedom of
multiple partners or serial relationships. Non-monogamous types run into
constant problems in the intimacy dept. too.

There are few situations that constellate more complex levels of
interpersonal needs, desires, vulnerabilities, expectations, delusions,
fears, hopes and dreams than erotic/intimate love. This is the universal
human arena of ecstasy and agony. There is no one-size-fits-all solution
that applies to everyone or to a single person in all circumstances of love
relationship. Eros can't be reduced to a formula. If you go into
Eros/Aphrodite's domain, forget about your handbook and compass. You're in
the wilderness now, with only your heart and your raw, exposed guts and naked
instincts for your guide. Try maneuvering your way through with anything
else and you'll get lost out there and stay lost for a very long time.

If you enter the erotic-love wilderness expecting to quickly or permanently
arrive at a sun-kissed, flower-strewn meadow or a steamy passion-pulsing
tropical paradise, you'll be shocked to discover that there's bears in them
woods... and crocodiles, and coyotes, and centipedes and mosquitoes and all
kinds of mess and yuck and warty things and scary beasts... and beautiful
creatures that run away when you want them to hang around. If you want to
play it safe, stick with your divine interior lover or porn fantasies and
avoid real human contact. But if you're willing to risk everything and able
to endure the "impossible," love will find you. It might not come to you
through the person you hoped it would, and it can be very hard to let go of
that. And when it comes, it won't look or feel or be exactly what you had in
mind. The real things never are quite the way we imagined they would be...

Being in a loving relationship will give you joy and aggravation . It will
depress you and amuse you and elate you and leave you unfulfilled and
simultaneously overflow your heart with greater blessings than you knew were
possible, all in a maddening, paradoxical, very human way. That's my
experience, at any rate.




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