Recieved: 2000/05/19 14:45
Subject: Re: [K-list] Chat
On 2000/05/19 14:45, Ckress posted thus to the K-list:
In a message dated 05/18/2000 11:33:45 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
<< I told Mystress about the day I addressed Goddess (I was 24 back then) and
asked her if I could help in anyway to take away some pain of humanity.
Mystress replied Now why do you think Goddess needs your assistance, and
she was right.>>
Angelique's response is an effective way to process attitudes and ideas
which, left unquestioned, can trap us into a constrictive way of being, like
the dolphin in Mario's dream that was stuck in too small a container.
Turning around Mario's question to the Goddess gave him insight into his
"egocentric way of looking at creation and Goddess ."
This opened him to a new paradigm in which he could trust the universe more
than before. But how about opening him to a deeper level of self-trust as
well? If I had been pursuing this for myself or with someone who asked me
for input, I would have tried to explore it a bit further. (This may have
happened in their chat, but since Mario didn't mention it, I'll add it here.)
I would have also asked, "What motivated me to ask Goddess if I could
alleviate some of humanity's pain?" Was it only to impress myself and the
world with my compassion, or was it to truly find a constructive expression
of my sadness and compassion? Did my prayer to the Goddess arise from a
desire to regard myself as noble and good or is there a part of me that is
noble and good that sincerely wants to help? Maybe it was both, and maybe
both need to be examined and honored. Maybe my impulse to pray for guidance
on how I might help came from Goddess implanting in me a desire to do this.
Maybe some of my ideas/feelings are not coming from me as an isolate
ego-self, but from me as an extension of the whole. Maybe all of them are in
some way coming from this...
We can repress our beauty as well as our shadow qualities. We can be afraid
of expressing our finer qualities for fear of becoming grandiose or because
we're afraid that we're not really good enough to carry something so
precious. Some of us are more willing to admit to our failings and
egocentricities than to our good-heartedness, especially in therapeutic or
spiritually-oriented settings where confessing to one's darker tendencies is
applauded as courageous progress. Standing honestly and openly in the light
of our own beauty feels much more naked and vulnerable.
Of course, it can also be unbalanced in the other direction, with someone
claiming to be love incarnate, convinced that they are perfect agents of
enlightenment while vehemently denying all their shadow qualities. Some of
us get more attached to being right and looking good to the world while some
of us are attached to digging for skeletons in our closets and exposing them
and all our foibles to the world. Either way can be a form of saying: "Look
at me! Love me!" Which isn't a bad-ego thing when we allow ourselves to
know that this is what we're doing. Accepting our need for loving attention
can be healing when we understand that it unites us with everything in
existence, all of which glows when acknowledged and loved.
I've found that the deepest transformation occurs when I can allow whatever
comes through to unfold, be it a thing of unexpected beauty and joy or a
painful or humiliating realization. Being attentive to this expands my
awareness of who I am and deepens my appreciation of what an astonishing,
multifaceted, magical God/Goddess/Self/Tao lives through me, through us,
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